The Challenges of being Empathetic

Despite being perceived as a weakness, empathy is one of the most powerful (and beautiful) of human traits. It is perhaps the epitome of consciousness and our reason for being; the ability to see and feel another person, thereby connecting on a deep emotional, spiritual and intellectual plane. Beneath the utopian packaging hides a trap.

Having empathy makes you a high-value person in your personal and professional life because understanding and relatability eliminate barriers, bias and hate. I don’t think the world has ever needed empathy as much as it needs right now. We are so disconnected and at such heightened moral conflict, with social media adding fuel to loneliness, anger, hate and mental illness… and divisiveness.

Unfortunately, constant empathy is not possible. In particular if it’s one-way traffic. Like all things, moderation is key. Knowing when to give and when to protect the self is germane to mental, and emotional health. We must all receive empathy at some point, less deplete our light.

I recommend strategic doses of empathy to the people who merit or need your light. Empathy invites us to progressively expand our minds and open our hearts to that which we don’t fully grasp. It is not fear-inspired but rather driven by love and connection.

One of the biggest challenges we have as humans, partially due to our instincts to survive, is that we tend to look out for our own survival. The ego gets lost in this need because it doesn’t always understand the greater good of community. Due to self-survival mode we are often blinded by the needs or experiences of another. We become convinced that our way is the only way. It’s what we’ve been taught or programmed to be and do. To validate that programming, we spend the rest of our lives finding evidence to back up our belief-system. We rigidity stick to those established principals (cognitive dissonance). Empathy is the great nutraliser of bias and cognitive dissonance because it means seeing and feeling beyond the ego. The ego unto itself is not negative.

To practice true empathy, we must…

LEARN MORE IN THE BOOK, PINK IS THE COLOR OF EMPATHY, I do a deep dive into all aspects of empathy.

Vital Germaine

How to make fear your friend

It has been said that we either run away from pain or we run towards pleasure. It’s called the “Pain, pleasure principal.” by Sigmund Freud.

Running toward pleasure is easier, though running away from pain is arguably a stronger motivator. Fear can, however, paralyze. And that hurts. We are afraid of pain. It brings worry and stress. Meanwhile, it inspires courage and drives action… change!

Many memes and acronyms claim or suggest that fear is not real. One popular one is: False Evidence Appearing Real. Ignore this.

Fear is very real and not to be blindly ignored. It is the primordial warning mechanism that all living beings and organisms instinctually and inherently possess. It keeps them alive because it lets them know that something is dangerous. Courage is not inclusive of recklessness. The question is, how do you make fear your friend as a "motivator"? It’s a conscious mindset choice. Read more about how to open your mind in my book, FLYING BEYOND THE NET.

Acknowledge your fears. This doesn’t make you weak. It makes you emotionally intelligent.

Fear is one of the most basic human emotions, and emotions are what compel us to do things. Fear can drive a mother to find superhuman strength to lift a car that is crushing her baby. Empower yourself by connecting with your emotions. Leverage them. They will help you achieve your goals.

We tend to avoid fear because it’s not a fun feeling; other than when riding a “scream your lungs out” adventure ride. Other than that, we kid ourselves with empty words such as be “fearless.” It’s not about being fearless. It’s about having courage to stare your fears in the face and moving forward anyway.

A life without pain sounds like utopia. It’s not. If we don’t feel the pain, then nothing happens. We are numb. Fear can provide a sense of urgency, too… we fear the negative consequences of not doing something. Goodbye procrastination. Learn more about how to overcome procrastination.

The key is to stay calm in moments of fear. Keep your wits about you. Maintain clarity of mind. Your blood pressure will increase, potentially speeding up your thoughts. A panicked mind may run or freeze, so… slow down your breathing temporarily. A calm and clear mind will evaluate and understand a situation and asses which plan of action is best suited… options… best case scenario. Now that you’ve got clarity, inhale courage, exhale fear. Increase the intensity of your breathing, filling your lungs and blood with extra oxygen and your system with endorphins. Get psyched about the thrill of you overcoming and reaching higher. Want it! Long for it. Crave it. Obsess about it… then let the dream go cause it’s already yours.

George Addair says,

“Everything you've ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear.”

Fear fuels desire.

If you like Napoleon Hill, he talks about the power of desire in his book, Think and Grow Rich. In fact, he dedicates chapter 2 to the topic. He calls desire, the starting point of all achievements.

Next time you feel fear, know that it is a tool for promote growth. It is an opportunity. Run with it. You’ve got this!

Don’t forget the “courage” part. There’s always the Wizard of Oz if you lack in that department. Oh wait…. the Wizard of Oz lives inside you. The magic is in your hands. Inhale the courage. Exhale the fear. And now reach higher.

Vital Germaine

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The Art of Communication

Communication is an art form. It’s only until something goes wrong do we realize how valuable it is. At the heart of most misunderstandings, disagreements, conflicts and failed relationships is poor, or disconnected communication.

All too often, we think something has been clearly communicated, only to discover we were delusional in our optimism and assumptions.

There are 6 pillars of communication. Knowing what they are is only the beginning of the journey to improving all of your relationships.

1. Body Language

2. Words

3. Tone of voice

4. Facial expressions

5. Energy

6. Intention

By learning how to master these 6 styles, your life will change dramatically for the better, as will your relationships and leadership skills.

If you want or need to improve your communication skills, I’ve created an impactful, engaging, and insightful 80-min, condensed online course. You can take it at your convenience - at an insanely affordable price.

Your Course Take-Aways

• Become a more confident and impactful communicator

• Elevate your self-confidence

• Optimize engagement with subtle shifts in your style and technique

• Improve story-telling ability and inspire action from clients, team members and friends

Thank you,

Vital Germaine

What does empathy look, sound, feel and taste like?

Empathy consists of multiple key ingredients that unto themselves are not empathy. The following behaviors are not necessarily synonyms of empathy, but rather traits that we will highly likely demonstrate or experience due to the sharing of empathy. 

If you can communicate the following 7 traits, it will feel like your are sharing empathy. You will begin changing lives for the better and become a high-value person at home and at work.

1. Respect

2. Compassion

3. Caring

4. Relatability

5. Sympathy 

6. Understanding

7. Listening

Read the top 20 list of phrases that communicate empathy in the book PINK IS THE COLOR OF EMPATHY, chapter 26. Here are the first 5:

The below list will help you understand what empathy sounds like. By using the structure and intention of the sentences whenever somebody you care about is going through a hard time, you will develop deeper bonds--deeper intimacy.

1. That makes total sense.

2. That would have hurt my feelings too.

3. I can see that.

4. You’re in a tough spot.

5. What I admire most about what you’re doing is…

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

Help spread the love, because it changes lives… empathy saves lives.

Becoming a High-Value Person

Once upon a time I believed that high-value people were only those with status: influence, financial clout or a broad-reaching network. I was wrong.

If we reframe the meaning of a high-value person, we elevate a lot of people who are undermined in society. That may include you.

The above mentioned people are indeed high value… however, the title of high-value person is not limited to that demographic. Some of those wealthy, influential people (influencers) may be of high value in certain areas, but not across the board. Maybe they provide very little emotional value to those they love; think of the overworked executive who has very little time and energy for the kids. That person is of very little emotional value; and money is not everything.

You can become a high-value person in any field; a stay-home-mom or -dad with a net worth of zero, or with a social network of just your dog or cat/gold fish; and of course aunt Sally.

It’s about how you are helping, supporting and understanding people. It’s about emotional intelligence.

The last words of Steve Jobs, billionaire, dead at 56:

"I have reached the summit of success in the world of business." In the eyes of others, my life is a success.

However, aside from work, I had little joy. In the end, wealth is just a fact I am used to.

At this moment, laying on my hospital bed, remembering my whole life, I realize that all the gratitude and wealth in which I took so much pride, has vanished and became meaningless in the face of imminent death.

You can hire someone to drive your car or make money for you but it's impossible to hire someone to deal with sickness and die for you.

Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost - "Life".

Whatever stage of life we are currently in, with time, we will face it the day the curtain closes.

Love your family, spouse and friends... Treat them right . Cherish them.

As we get older, and wiser, we slowly realize that wearing a $300 or $30 watch - both give the same hour...

Whether we have a $300 or $30 wallet or purse - the amount inside is the same;

Whether we drive a $150,000 car or $30,000 car, the road and distance are the same, and we arrive at the same destination.

That we drink a bottle of wine at 1000. $ or $10 hangover is the same;

That the house we live in is 300 or 3000 square feet - the loneliness is the same.

You will realize that your true inner happiness does not come from material things of this world.

Whether you travel first class or economic class, if the plane crashes, you crash with it...

Therefore .. I hope you realize, when you have friends, boyfriends and old friends, brothers and sisters, with whom you argue, laugh, talk, sing, talk about north-south-east or heaven and earth,.... This is the real happiness!!

An indisputable fact of life:

Don't educate your kids to be rich. Educate them to be happy. So when they grow up they will know the value of things and not the price.

Here are 9 ways to gauge your social worth.

1. The way you show up (be authentic, respectful and kind)

2. The way you communicate (sincere)

3. Your character (core values)

4. Be impeccable with your word

5. Your intentions (purpose)

6. Have more empathy with healthy boundaries

7. Show them you care

8. Giving back or paying it forward

9. Be a safe person (trustworthy / non-judgmental)

Society is emotionally struggling, in particular, the younger generations who need more emotional support than actual financial resources or celebrity.

As a parent, as a friend, lover, partner; be the best version of you for that person and you instantly become a high-value person. The best example I can think of, is a teacher. They rarely become financially wealthy… they are underpaid heroes! Yet, a good teacher brings infinite value to the next generation. I can think of one or two of my teachers who heavily influenced the course of my life, if not saved my life growing up as a kid lost in the British Child Care System. Their value was and is priceless.

Take a moment to self evaluate.

As a person, are you doing that little extra and being the best version of yourself with the wellbeing of others at heart? If yes, you are a high-value person. Congrats.

As a leader, are you inspiring and empowering your team? If you are, then you instantly become a high value leader. If you work at the register at Walmart, are your committed to providing great customer service to each and every person you ring up? If you do, then you are a high value person.

Have the mindset to want to reach higher each and every day, the mindset to do more for your village or community, the mindset to be more empathetic, to be more giving and caring etc. That is wealth right there.

If you are an influencer to the masses but provide little value to those who really need you: your kids, your significant other etc, then consider shifting the focus to those who really love you, not only those who admire you without knowing you. Ultimately, do that little extra and optimize who you are and become not only a high value person, but an extraordinary person. How to become your best self? Discover your IKIGAI

Former Miami Dolphins head coach, Jimmy Johnson, once said, “The difference between ordinary and extraordinary, is that little extra.”

The choice is yours.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

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The new book!

Building a powerful and AUTHENTIC personal brand

Let’s begin with the absolutely not so obvious to many. A brand is not a logo, a jingle, an ad or a slogan. It is also not the product, a symbol or a name. This is a common misconception to young entrepreneurs and first time small business owners who are “building a brand”.

So, then what is a brand?

The short and simply version is this: A brand is a promise made and kept.

Let’s break that down.

You can tell your customers’ all day long who you are, what you are and what you do, but the reality is, your brand is based on their perception, i.e, your reputation. Your reputation is based on “promise made, promise kept.” Do you deliver on what you say you will? If you don’t you have an anemic brand.

All the other elements such as logo etc, fall under the category of “brand identity.” These are the visible elements of a brand, such as color, design, and logo, that identify and distinguish the brand in consumers' minds. They help customers identify you. These elements are not the brand itself.

There are two brand catagories.

1. PERSONAL BRAND: this first one is rarely thought of. YOU in your every day life are a brand. You are perceived a certain way and you have a reputation that determines if people like or trust you. And we interact (or do business) with people we know, like, trust and relate to.

   The easiest and most impactful personal brand you can build is one that is authentic; a true and sincere reflection of your core values and your character. Not fake values that you contrived to look and sound good on paper, but honest, sincere values that you embody and live by in all aspects of your being and your business: your behaviors, your words, your actions, your habits and your patterns. Be aware that over time, your true brand or character will eventually be exposed. This is what you will be judged and perceived on… it’s your promise.

   These same principals apply to the business world. The essence of your character/values (personal brand) will bleed into any form of business you undertake.

   Read the blog: BUILDING A STRONG PERSONAL BRAND

   Read the blog: 3 TIPS TO BUILDING A STRONG BUSINESS BRAND

2. BUSINESS BRAND… read the business brand blog.

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What's the difference between KIND and NICE? You need to know this.

I hope you want to be a kind person.

Hopefully you’re not a nice person.

Why?

Being kind and being nice are often used interchangeably to describe somebody’s character. They are fundamentally very different, despite having overlapping traits. Just like cars have overlapping traits with planes (they transport people, they use fuel, they have engines, they need repairing, they can both crash…), they are entirely different.

Let’s break it down.

What I’m about to share is more philosophical than scientifically factual. It is however a reality, or truth, in the sense that perception is reality.

1. NICE? Allow me to ignore political correctness simply for the sake of making a point, and let’s be boldly honest, “nice guys finish last!” Who even came up with that phrase?

It’s a common aphorism and attributed to Brooklyn Dodgers manager, Leo Durocher. He used it to describe New Orleans baseball great, Mel Ott (Giants) due to the fact that the Giants sat bottom of the league (1946). Leo Durocher “complimented” Mel Ott, saying, “Do you know a nicer guy than Mel Ott. Or any of the other Giants? And where are they? The nice guys over there are in last place!”

The phrase stuck! It suggested lack of passion, desire or grit to win; therefore weak, submissive, easily pushed aside, not valued or respected.

Are nice guys under valued etc? Whether or not they are factually undermined is irrelevant. They are perceived as weak… this applies to all genders and non-genders (to now be PC).

Let’s go deeper by reading my book, PINK IS THE COLOR OR EMPATHY

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

How to stop being the losing "nice guy" or people-pleaser type.

If you are viewed as, or view yourself as a nice person who tends to please people and wish to change that, here’s some help:

The two most frustrating side-effects of being a people pleaser is that you exhaust yourself being so focused on the well-being of others, and that you become angry at them for abusing you OR angry at yourself. Here’s a harsh truth. You should be angry at yourself more than them. Why? Because you trained them and enabled them to treat you the way they do. Ouch!

Being a people pleaser will slowly eat away at your soul and keep your self-esteem at a low level, inviting more people to abuse or take advantage of your over-zealous generosity. You have probably already reached this level if you’re reading this. It’s time to change for you own well-being.

It’s going to take courage and time to overturn something that you’ve probably been doing your entire adulthood, if not starting in childhood. The good news is, you’ve got this one step at a time.

Let’s begin this journey of transformation by identifying the top 10 traits of people-pleasers. This is a simplified bullet pointed list from a Psychology Today article by, Amy Morin, licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist.

1. You pretend to agree with everyone.

2. You feel responsible for how other people feel.

3. You apologize often.

4. You feel burdened by the things you have to do.

5. You can’t say no.

6. You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you.

7. You act like the people around you.

8. You need praise to feel good.

9. You go to great lengths to avoid conflict.

10. You don’t admit when your feelings are hurt.

You may or may not have all of these 10 character traits. If you have multiple of these then the odds are you are indeed a people pleaser. If you are ready to transform into a more confident and decisive person, read on. If you aren’t ready, no worries, I am not here to please you. I am here to inspire and empower you to reach higher, grow wings and fly without a net.

How to stop being so nice; a people pleaser.

How do I know all of this? Because I’ve travelled the journey, combined with extensive research. Coaching others to transform into more confident and decisive versions of themselves has also taught me much. I’m happy and honored to share.

1. Set boundaries. People pleasers tend to not set boundaries, let alone honor them. By not setting boundaries you are fully responsible for training people how to treat you. Learn and establish a goal to set boundaries at the onset of every single new relationship moving forward, starting today! Trying yourself to say “no” to simple and seemingly meaningless things just for the hell of it. Get used to saying no! Train them to learn you are willing to say no. Focus on this if as if your life depended on it… cause it kind of does; your wellbeing is on the line.

   For the relationships that already know you to have non-existent boundaries and who are already trained to know they can take advantage of you, establishing boundaries will cause great conflict. Be ready to experience conflict, even the death of those relationships. It’s all necessary, so don’t stop honoring your mission. It’s gonna suck. Keep at it.

2. Stop looking for external validation. This will take time and a lot of inner work to find the true source of self within you. Now, keep in mind, humans are social beings and our status and self worth is influenced by how we are perceived and treated. However, deep down inside, you need to have a strong sense of self and self worth. Take time to identify your strengths and stay focused on those things about you. Slowly minimize your need to rely on compliments to feel good about yourself. It’s a process. If you start the work today and are consistent, you’ll be surprised how quickly you can change.

3. Be aware that you are trying to people-please. All beginnings start with awareness that something is not the way you’d like it to be and that change is required. Being honest with yourself and accepting that, yes, you are the “loser type, people pleaser” will hurt and be upsetting. And ironically, that realization will weaken your already fragile self-esteem. Take the punch; a standing count. Get back up and begin the fight… today! You once were a people pleaser. That was yesterday. Today and tomorrow are different.

4. Visualize yourself standing up for yourself. Practice, practice, practice. It will take a while to get good at not people pleasing. Incremental steps and small weekly goals. Ask yourself, who you do people please the most and begin changing those interactions with conviction and finesse.

   Those people will now be upset at your new boundaries. They may get (probably will get) angry and disappointed with you, claiming you’ve changed. Hell yeah, you’ve changed! The new you may even cost you relationships because they will no longer benefit from your exaggerated benevolence. Who wants to give up that kind of perk? Very few. Deja vu??? Yes, I am intentionally repeating this. They could even try to manipulate you and accuse you of being mean, cold and difficult.

   Don’t become emotional! Logic and a cool head is required to navigate this selfish mirroring and blame shifting on their part. They know full-well they took advantage of you. Be stead fast in your transformation. Keep going. New and better relationships are around the corner. Time to get a new tribe.

5. You're not responsible for the feelings or problems of others. You are not everybody’s paren or babysitter. They are adults fully capable of making independent decisions and taking action to fix their problems and challenges. That shit is not your shit to fix!

6. Honor yourself … be KIND to yourself and live authentically. Some will call this self love. I prefer self care and/or self respect. As you honor yourself and establish new and solid boundaries, it may feel as if you are being mean. A hard “no” may sound insensitive and lacking empathy. Asking to have your needs and expectations met will feel aggressive to you. Keep going. Allow the pendulum to potential swing to the other extreme. In time you will find the happy medium. But now, for once, it must be all about you. You’ve got this.

Having said all of this, please remember that in your mission to toughen up and stop being a people pleaser, it’s still okay, if not recommended to always be kind.

How can you be kind and not be a people pleaser (a nice guy who finishes last)? Read my blog, What’s the difference between being kind and being nice. You need to know! If you’re committed about changing, I can and will help. Contact me for a FREE 15 minute coaching discovery session.

If you agree/disagree, or would like to add to this blog, I’d love to hear from you. Drop a comment.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

What is Cognitive Dissonance and why you should know?

cog·ni·tive dis·so·nance

/ˈkäɡnədiv ˈdisənəns/

Learn to pronounce

noun

PSYCHOLOGY

1. the state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.

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If you’d like help along your growth journey, please connect with me and get a FREE 15 minute discovery session.

Learn more in my book, FLYING BEYOND THE NET.

If you agree/disagree, or would like to add to this blog, I’d love to hear from you. Drop a comment.

Vital Germaine

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What exactly is success and how do you know when you are successful?

The common accepted definition of success is; the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. If you google success you’ll come across more elaborate explanations like this one:

Your individual definition of what success is may vary, but many might define it as being fulfilled, happy, safe, healthy, and loved. It is the ability to reach your goals in life, whatever those goals may be.

At very young ages we are told or programmed to perceive success as winning a metaphorical trophy; an achievement. However, many people have achieved much in their lives, yet they don’t feel successful. And in contrast, I know some people who have “achieved” very little, yet they feel fulfilled, accomplished… successful.

Success is a very subjective thing.

We each pursue different milestones or accolades to validate our worth; a degree, getting the hot girl/boy, driving the fancy car, getting a promotion, making money… but if we go deeper, the pursuit of all those “things” are simply to make us feel a certain way. We are emotional beings. We are attracted to that which makes us feel: good, secure, loved, welcome, at peace and whole. We choose a partner because of how they make us feel, not because of how we feel about them (dig deeper into yourself and you’ll see the truth in this).

As long as we focus on “things” to define our success, we will constantly be in hot pursuit of the next high. And it’s exactly the next high that we crave. We’ve all heard of retail therapy, right? Those purchases make us feel good; high. They are, however, short-term feel-good factors… shallow, superficial and not meaningful or replenishing to our soul.

Most keynote speakers, life coaches and employee development trainers I’ve exchanged notes with, provide their clients with “X” amount of steps to make more money, to have more influence, to build self confidence, resilience etc. How many of them encourage clients and audiences to simply live authentically, find purpose, fulfillment, inner peace and happiness in who they are or wish to become… not, WHAT they want to become, but WHO. When we live in alignment with our true identity, our character, our values, objectives and our emotional state surrounded by love and connection, then we live in a successful and fullfilled mind state.

This level of personal development is my focus in my keynotes and employee development trainings and workshops. It’s about the individual becoming a better version of themselves so they can REACH HIGHER. When they reach higher, your organization benefits… your customers’ feel that.

Success is ultimately the feeling of feeling good about yourself and the life you lead. For some, it’s as simple as a log cabin away from everybody and with minimal possessions. For others, it’s a big big house and plenty of toys.

We are all pursing the same thing… a feeling of goodness. The material things help provide that feeling. But it’s the deep spiritual feeling of being at “home” we desire, and that can be achieved in multiple ways, including with minimal possessions but a richness of living and giving.

Start focusing inward on what makes you feel good about yourself; it will lead to happiness, inner peace and fulfillment; now that’s ultimate success in life. Success is something to be designed and created in the heart, not purchased.

If you agree/disagree, or would like to add to this blog, I’d love to hear from you. Drop a comment and make sure to follow me on social media for more inspiration and tips to help you grow.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

Imposter Syndrome?

For the most part, self-doubt is the catalyst for a lack of self confidence. This inevitably leads to a sense of imposter syndrome if we have achieved a certain level of success before we truly believed we were ready, or deserved it.

Without self-confidence it becomes incredibly hard to fully achieve objectives and enjoy them. Not feeling confident in one’s abilities can prevent us meeting the right people (including romantic partners), and gain authentic credibility or any form of status. HOWEVER… self-doubt is not the actual enemy… when leveraged in healthy doses, self doubt or imposter syndrome can bring great value to your life and those you interact with. How’s that? Because it evokes the following:

1. SELF REFLECTION:

The main advantage of a healthy dose of imposter syndrome is that it triggers a need to re-evaluate, by asking the following question:

“Am I good enough?” If you truly feel like you’re not, the next step is to get back to work, learn and grow. Nothing wrong in continual growth. It’s a Kaizen thing,

“Do I deserve to be here.” Unless you got there through nepotism, a freak act of nature, chances are you deserve to be there. You probably earned the invitation to be in that room. Do you deserve to stay there is maybe a different answer? If you truly feel like you don’t deserved to be there, the next step is to get back to work, learn and grow. Nothing wrong in continual growth. It’s a Kaizen thing.

Any form of decision-making is well served with an element of self-awareness and questioning. Through self reflection/evaluation, you can connect to your intuition on a deeper level, your are compelled to do more research, go back to the drawing board, realize you can do better and be better.

2. MOTIVATION:

It may sound strange to hear that imposter syndrome/self-doubt is a motivator. But, yes, it is. Wondering if you could do better/should do better is a spark unto itself. Wanting to do and be better is a fundamental trait for achievement and success. All the greats of this world have pushed themselves to do better and become better. They took the time to realize that they could do and be better. Always aim to do better and reach higher. Always gave a sense if imposter syndrome.

During my 5 years in Cirque du Soleil, I continually experience Imposter Syndrome. I was surrounded by the best in the world. It intimidated at first. Then become the greatest of inspirations. I grew and thrived. I went from afraid and unqualified, to captain of my team and the example to strive for.

By questioning one’s ability, it leads to the conclusion that you can do more, dream more, and become more, BUT… only if you are hungry to do more, become more and dream more. The hunger to grow and the emotional intelligence to realize you are not the next best thing since sliced bred is an exceptional motivator. Every journey of transformation begins with awareness, realization and then acceptance that a change is needed. The arrogant and overly confident one’s (who don’t experience self doubt) fail to see this because they are so lost and caught up in their own sense of greatness.

3. HUMBLES THE HEART:

Another beautiful and positive attribute of healthy imposter syndrome/self doubt is the humility factor. If you’re humble, it means you can’t be arrogant and over confident. Arrogant people tend to be blinded by their inflated self-confidence. They therefore miss opportunities to learn and grown because they think they are the #%&#. They also tend to belittle others who they view as lesser than themselves. Humility invites people to connect. Your humility can and will inspire and empower others. Your humility is an invite for self-improvement, because you feel and know you can be and do better. It’s a Kaizen thing,

The next time you experience self-doubt or imposter syndrome, don’t feel bad, don’t feel unworthy, don't beat yourself up. Simply understand, embrace and realize that if it remains a healthy dose, it’s your friend and a sign that something can and needs to be changed. “A healthy dose!” If and when the dose becomes unhealthy, then MAYBE it’s time to beat yourself up, unless the self-doubt is so bad that it has paralyzed you. Then you have fallen into the expected conclusions that self doubt is negative. Keep it HEALTHY. I hope you always have a small sense of Imposter Syndrome to keep you REACHING HIGHER.

Just in case I hadn’t mentioned it, reaching higher is a Kaizen thing.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

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EMPATHY; how well do we really understand its concept and execution?

For the most part, people have a general understanding of empathy. Some confuse it with sympathy. There is somewhat of an overlap between the two, though the difference in meaning is beyond a nuance or a synonym. The difference is in fact substantial.

Too often, we think we are being empathetic or that we have empathy… but we don’t. We are simply comparing our perspective and understanding to theirs with a sympathetic heart; not empathy. It’s not as simple as putting yourself in another persons shoes. Why?

There are numerous factors to consider.

1. It depends how you wear that other person’s shoe… not all shoes are the same and can therefore not always be compared. Often times comparison is what we do. The downside to that is if we compare, and that same or similar incident left us feeling indifferent, then it’s very hard to feel the other’s pain. So, we really must step into their shoes and not only understand what they are experiencing, but leave our own emotions out of the equation.

   If they are feeling pain or grief for something that we find trivial, then we can’t offer empathy. However, we probably know what pain grief feels like. So it’s a question of focusing on the emotion rather than the incident and what THEY are feeling.

   It takes a great ability to focus on only THEM to grasp what they have experienced compared to what you are experiencing. You may think that you could easily walk a mile in their shoes with no issues, and you might be right, but you are not them. It’s not about what you experience, your opinion or perspective. True empathy makes it ALL about THEM. And that’s the hard part why most of us fail when it comes to true empathy. And therein lies one of the main reasons for human disconnect; the inability to practice or execute true empathy because we lack the ability to completely eliminate our personal opinions, our perspectives, and personal experiences from the equation. Now begs the question, is empathy then possible? I believe so, with lots of work on the emotional intelligence front.

2. Who merits your empathy

   Giving empathy or being empathetic can be emotionally draining. You may have heard about the social struggles of empaths who easily get depleted in social settings because they feel too much and absorb external energy.

   When extending empathy, protect your energy and emotional wellness by setting boundaries with the person in search of understanding. Set boundaries for yourself, too… how much can you give, how long can you listen before it becomes detrimental to you.

   Prolonged empathy can become toxic; you become a potential enabler, or you inspire trauma bonding which isn’t really a win-win scenario. Know your limits. Everything in moderation.

3. Who is the giver and receiver of empathy

   I don’t know if there is a scientific equation to determine who is the giver and receiver. My recommendation is to offer empathy to anybody you feel needs it, or anybody who is asking for it, provided you are in a strong enough emotional state to give a part of your heart and mind to that person. Empathy is giving which can drain. It’s usually the person in a position of confidence, emotional and mental fortitude who cares, who can, should and will extend empathy. In healthy relationships the role will often change; give and take as needed.

GOING DEEPER

We must be more aware and analytical of our behaviors, and levels of listening and understanding to pains and burdens which are not ours. Because once it becomes about us in the slightest, it is no longer empathy, but rather a comparison disguised with the mask of sympathy. That is not empathy.

As a society, we must dig much deeper into the meaning and objective of true empathy. There are in fact 3 types of empathy:

1. Cognitive empathy: the ability to understand how a person feels and what they might be thinking. Cognitive empathy improves our communication skills, because we become sensitive and aware of how we can best reach and connect to another person.

2. Emotional empathy (affective empathy) is the ability to share the feelings of another person. Think of it as "your pain in my heart." If their pain is in your heart, you have probably built a very strong, secure and deep connection with that person. Well played.

3. Compassionate empathy (empathic concern) this is more about taking action than just feeling.

Ultimately, empathy is always all about them.

Get your EMPATHY apparel now!

We can do this.

Sincerely

Vital Germaine

Is finding happiness as simple as choosing to be happy?

Is finding happiness as simple as choosing to be happy? It is much more complex than the eternal optimist will have you believe?

In the name of mental health awareness, happiness is neither a one-size fits all prescription or a simple decision determined by the self. Many eternal optimists will say that happiness is based on 4 ingredients:

1. growth mindset

2. perspective

3. positive attitude

4. gratitude

There’s a lot of truth in those, however???

I’ve been teaching and promoting the power of attitude and mindset for over 10 years as a keynote speaker, author and coach, fully knowing there is more to it than that. I still sing the same optimistic song and want to inspire happier, healthier and wealthier lives, but with more wisdom, awareness, and understanding. I have become more comfortable and confident in sharing the less “motivational” side of life. Through research and study, I’ve become more of a realist, if not simply more educated in mental and emotional health.

If happiness were that simple, everybody would be doing happy dances around the world. The four above-mentioned platforms are valid until…

Those in a state of grief (and grief can last years, even a life-time), will not find solace in those 4 pillars. Extended grieving (and the reason doesn’t have to be apparent), can lead to depression. According to some studies, 6 months of grieving becomes “Complicated Grieving” due to the death a loved one etc. However, childhood trauma can have similar symptoms and similar impact on the mind and body as CG. They tend to be treated differently.

What depression actually is for another blog. Most studies will say it’s due to a chemical imbalance. There could be more to it than that. Nonetheless, it’s as complex as happiness, just on the opposing emotional spectrum. But depression isn’t negated by the basic act of choosing to not be sad. It’s not just sadness. It’s a deep, dark wound that doesn’t necessarily have a direct or obvious origin. It has random triggers steeped in guilt, shame, emotional exhaustion, grief, loss, abuse (in particular childhood).

There are steps to minimize the impact of depression. As there are steps to increase the feeling of happiness.

Humans are complex social beings with different dispositions, needs, expectations and back stories. All of which collectively combine to shape and influence our mental and emotional state. Some have happy dispositions genetically (hormone balance and innate personality types). Others have to work at it. For some, the uphill pursuit of happiness is seemingly impossible; and then society condemns them for their negativity, which unto itself is reason to be unhappy/depressed.

I know, I know, their lack of happiness is a choice due to their lack of a growth mindset, optimistic glass-half-full perspective, positive attitude and of course, lack of gratitude… right? Science claims that one can not live in state of gratitude and be simultaneously depressed. 2 things to consider about this one-size-fits-all theory!

It’s very hard to be grateful that you have shoes when you haven’t eaten in weeks. Context, circumstance plays a key role. Same for somebody who’s leg just got bitten off by a shark. “Hey mate, be grateful he only bit one off.” Right, right.

The rudimentary answer is this.

Happy people have simply had their emotional needs met. Perhaps by design; they’ve invested time and energy buidling a life that inspires happiness with their basic human needs met. This is true if you subscribe to Abraham Maslo’s needs pyramid.

Not everybody can design their happiness, because not everybody can acquire their emotional needs. Circumstances are often out of our control… I know, I know; mindset, perspective, attitude and gratitude outweighs circumstance, right? Not everybody is that fortunate to have that innate disposition or the ability to develop such an optimistic mindset; just like some people don’t have the physical ability to run a mile under 4 mins, or slam dunk like Jordan or Shaq. Maybe if they had the right mindset? Maybe if they simply ate more spinach and drank more milk they could learn how to slam dunk, right?

Physical ability is easy to measure and quantify because it’s tangible and measurable. Mental and emotional health are not measurable or tangible for that matter. intelligent humans, we must begin to acknowledge that people are different and that there is never a one-size fits all formula for happiness in life. I truly believe that this level of empathy could change the world, inspiring more happiness. Oh the irony!

For the eternally happy and optimistic, I hope things don’t ever change for you and that the glass remains half full. If you’re experiencing a mild and temporary “funk” consider reading the book; REACHING HIGHER, 21 ways to keep life positive. It’s how I got out of my depression. It’s a book I often have to revisit myself cause reminders help.

Get your copy

For the deeply sad, lonely, invisible, broken and forgotten, I hope your needs will soon be met and that the complex pursuit of happiness is yours by the ‘morrow. If the sadness is too heavy or deep, consider reaching out to a trusted friend who will listen and understand, rather than judge, coach or cheerlead… or seek counseling.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

NO!

How many times as a kid did you hear:

• “No, you can’t do that.”

• “No that’s wrong.”

• “No, no, no, no, no!”

“Don’t look into Pandora’s box, children,” they said.

“Curiosity killed the cat,” I was told.

Curiosity didn’t kill the cat. Curiosity made the cat wiser and empowered. 

I implore you to look in Pandora’s box. Dive in with reckless abandon. Have fun with the content as you experiment, explore, discover, make mistakes, get dirty, fall flat on your face, and fail spectacularly. Mistakes are good. They are an opportunity for growth. The problem is, as adults we become so afraid to fail. Failure is a stepping-stone to achievement and greatness. 

Failing hurts. Failing sucks. We haven’t truly failed until we give up, however. Easier said than done, but nonetheless, don’t be afraid.

Toddlers aren’t afraid.

At each passing month and year, a toddler’s potential gets clipped by a fearful (yet caring) parent. According to some experts, kids hear 232 no’s or negative comments a day. Dr. Dan Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA divides the child brain into states': “yes brain state,” and “no brain state.” Hearing no too often shuts down parts of the brain, enabling it to shut down more quickly and therefor become less open-minded, less incline to take risks and grow.

By the time they are 7, the power and beauty of their innocence has been tainted. There is still hope because before becoming adults, kids create amazing worlds in their malleable minds. Enchanted domains filled with friends, foes, and fearless fantasies, fueled by enthusiasm and inventiveness. With wings fully spanned, they are flying without a net to wondrous realms that adults have long forgotten and since abandoned. It’s a great shame that all these amazing, innocent possibilities become dulled in the murky quicksand of adulthood. 

One of the many beauties of working with Cirque du Soleil is their sandbox approach. They are big kids at heart, building elevators with no ceilings, attempting to stand up in new ways. Their lens is wide-angled and made of the purest diamond that refracts light in all possible directions and beyond. A kaleidoscope of promise. 

Your inner child is that wide-angled lens. Your inner child is your superpower. It’s the inner genius many forget to feed. Reconnect to that source and your imagination will indeed ‘take you everywhere.’

Everybody was once a child. Everybody has imagination. Everybody has unlimited potential. It’s not ability reserved for the elite or for famous innovators and theatrical geniuses within Cirque du Soleil. That superpower fades and withers at each time a child hears “no you can’t,” or “that’s not possible,” or “that’s silly” from jaded, narrow-minded adults. 

Negate the no’s of society. Negate the no’s in your head, too. Instead, say and think, “yes I can and will.” Spread your wings and fly. There are however times when a cold firm no is necessary. When it comes to establishing healthy boundaries that protect your well-being or the well-being of others, denying disrespect to manifest.

How often are you saying no throughout the day and promoting a “no brain state” where people shut down or stop contributing? Where could you say “yes” and focus more on possibility?

Learn more in the two books:

IMAGINATION WILL TAKE YOU EVERYWHERE (personal development version)

INNOVATION MINDSET (business, leadership and culture version)

Thank you.

The art of risk taking

There is an art form to rolling the dice in order to increase the odds of a positive outcome.

Is it time to quit the job you hate, buy the house, start your business, propose to your dream partner, ask that elusive love interest out on a date? They are all scary goals. When you take risks, the objective is to optimize the outcome, minimizing loss or "failure". Growth and change offer no guarantees. How do you minimize risk and optimize the reward/success? Well, the short version is… you gonna have to take step out of your comfort zone. That can be scary. Below are 5 pillars to help you navigate that fear and optimize the outcome.

1. INTUITION: The seemingly lucky people in life connect with, and trust their intuition in conjunction with the element of planning and analyses. The greats just seem to have a knack of knowing when and how to risk and expand their horizons. Intuition is not a blind act built purely on belief, it is your truest sense of knowledge. Intuition and instinct are not synonymous. Instinct is immediate and purely driven by the reptilian brain. Intuition includes your moral compass (values), gut, experience and the subconscious mind combining with your heart to tell you what is best or what is a negative vibe or energy.

Your gut or heart simply know. Deep down inside you get a sense if the risk is the right one and at the right time. Modern research is showing that the heart sends more signals to the brain than the other way around. On a holistic level, the heart is connected to the source of universal knowledge. Police detectives refer to this as a hunch… something they not only trust, but obey. Design a more promising future by connecting to your intuition. Leverage its power. Be aware you have access to it. Meditation the practice of using it will help ou develop it.

2. REASONING/EVALUATION: Compare and weigh out your best/worst case scenarios. Clearly define and understand the situation and the consequences. Are you observing and translating the signs? Ask such questions as:

• How influential will the value of that risk be and how will the result impact your life. What can you live with in terms of loss both on an emotional and financial level? Take the Blackjack player who takes all aspects into consideration before deciding to stick with what he's been dealt, or risk his hand by requesting an additional card. What are the odds that the next card is what is desired? 

• How much money/humilitation is at stake and can your afford to lose what’s at stake?

• What do the percentages suggest? If the odds are in your favor, take the risk… consult step 1 to increase the odds.

3. ALIENATION: In terms of pure business, have a pulse on what the market or environment is ready to embrace. If the change or risk you are contemplating is too drastic or dramatic, ask yourself if you will be supported in failure. Take into account how much conviction and resources you have up your sleeve to counter-act loss of friends/romantic interest or entrepreneurial venture. Are you equipped to navigate the storm of rejection, indifference or alienation?

4. ADAPTATION: Transformation is a progressive journey that demands strategic change and adaptation. The willingness to fail along that journey is a must... there is always a period of incubation and a learning curve to navigate during decision-making or when contemplating change or transformation. Risk and growth require patient nurturing while the new is sculpted. Most times the loss hurts. Can you live with that pain, learn, get up and go again? If so, definitely take the risk. Fingers crossed. Your institution has got this.

5. OPTIMIZATION:  The risk factor is ultimately based on what you can live with or what you are willing to die for? That is the boundary that confines or liberates you in regards to how far you are willing to elevate the ceiling and stretch your mind to the desired outcome. Put all these elements into place and enjoy the rewards of your risks and transformation.

Learn more in the two book:

FLYING BEYOND THE NET leveraging your creativity to grow your wings

Sincerely.

Please follow me on:

When the curtain closes on your career?

The show must go on they said. Must it, really or is that just a way to mess with your optimism keeping it naive and hopeful?

Have you ever come to a moment in time when you were sure the show had come to an end? If, you’re still alive right now, then the proof is in the pudding. Could it have been easier?

Cirque du Soleil, somewhere in the world.

“Well, you’re gonna need surgery as soon as possible.”

“And then?”

“Hard to tell. It’s possible we’ll have to fuse the ankle joint. That’s something the surgeon will decide.”

What did that mean?

I definitely didn’t want to hear what fusing the joint meant. It sounded medieval. 

“Can you see the break here and here?” the doctor pointed out.

The long, spiral fracture that ran up my fibula in a jagged line was more than apparent. To add to the dismay, the doctor pointed out the bone fragment in my right ankle. It floated, completely separated from the joint. 

Two thumbs up indeed.

Forget the morphine. I need a noose and a trap door.  

The assistant wheeled me to another room where Kevin and I simply waited some more. Kevin explained what fusing entailed but assured me it wouldn’t be needed. He’d seen worse breaks before, resulting in full recoveries. 

I was not convinced. 

We sat in silence for the next thirty minutes. The pain ebbed as it pleased — sometimes mild, sometimes unbearable. The clock on the wall seemed to move in reverse. Incessant seconds slipped by, an hour at a time. 

I am not ready to be ‘Cirque-umcized’ just yet — my own private joke, though I didn’t laugh!

Time invited me to reminisce and relive the steps that had brought me to this broken predicament: the childhood challenges of an alcoholic mother, and life in the British Child Care System in London. Life remained predominantly plagued by the memories of my sexually abusive, lying, and manipulative father. 

Statistics had predicted that due to my childhood, I’d be dead or in jail by the age of eighteen due to gang-related violence, drugs, or suicide. I suppose that it’s the series of choices we make in life that define who we are and where we end up.

As a child, a strong sense of imagination and an intense desire to find love and acceptance provided me with tools to overcome and not play victim. I can’t deny the fact that regardless of my mother’s personal demons, she instilled some valuable lessons before she became unable to parent.  Those lessons stuck.

“Never be afraid, Vital. You can and will become whatever you choose to be. Always pursue your dreams relentlessly. I believe in you. I know you will make me proud one day.” 

In all honesty, I am constantly afraid of life without the safety net of love and family. But she highlighted the values of African tribesmen who experienced fear but overcame those fears. “That’s courage,” she’d say. “Be courageous, and never let your fears hold you back. Nothing other than yourself can stop you, Vital! Nothing. Just believe and work hard at your dreams. Never give up. Never give up.”

Mum always encouraged me to dream, to imagine, and to envision all the amazing things that could happen tomorrow. Those dreams got me through my childhood, my adolescence. They still get me through life today because there are always challenges to overcome. There is always room for growth and transformation. There are always lessons to learn and goals to reach. Achievement is a never-ending journey.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

When is the right and wrong time to be the cheerleader?

What comes to mind with the metaphorical term “cheerleader”?

The answer to that can depend on your cultural background; are you American or not. The cheerleader type often mean well with their eternal enthusiasm. However, that endless positivity can invite resentment and a sense of disconnect. The ultimate solution is knowing when to be a messenger of positivity and when to be the pillow of comfort and understanding while saying nothing.

But how can you know when?

The answer is Emotional Intelligence (EQ). It brings great value on so many levels. Its strengths and beauties are heavily undermined when it comes to mental or emotional health. Mental health awareness takes acute levels of emotional intelligence to identify because people are incredibly skilled at hiding their shadows, less be exposed as a Debbie Downer, and who wants that kind of negativity in their lives?

It’s highly probable that people fake their mental and emotional wellness to not be a Debbie Downer, or simply to avoid being victims of social taboos, keeping up with the societal pressures of being positive, and of course keeping up with the perfect perceptions of the Jones’… who are also pretending and afraid to be “negative.”

Too many get caught up in their own lies or fake positivity, pretending they are just fine in order to appear strong, successful, and in control. Why fake it? It sucks knowing that deep down inside you’re not as happy or positive as you portray… it means you’re lying to yourself. And worse than not trusting somebody, is not trusting yourself. We all desperately want to live authentically.

Instead, we rinse away that sour taste of our own deceit with a double cocktail at a social gathering. It helps take off the edge, allowing us to blend in and happily exchange positive pleasantries that attract strategic friendships…. for some, the fakery gets darker; other forms of coping addictions manifest. OUCH!

It takes great courage to share negativity if you are in an influential position… let alone sharing the reality of every day life with its challenges and disappointments with the world; life is tough.

And strangely, when celebrities and athletes are honest about their challenged mental health, many criticize as if being a superhero in the public eye negates your right to feel bad about yourself. “They should just go out there and do there job!”

Nonetheless, the courageous celebrities who are exposed for being human give the masses courage to know they are not alone in their secret despair… and just for a moment we feel courageous enough to tell the world that we too are dealing with some sad shit. That confidence to share is short lived, however… normal service quickly resumes and we pretend all over again to be just fine. Being a victim of social taboos perpetuates the very issue I’m addressing; the demonization of sentient beings who sometimes need to cry and crumble yet don’t… “feeling” is “weak”.

Americans aren’t weak. They are more driven and impervious to pain and defeat than the original Greek Stoics like Marcus Aurelius who built their philosophy on the premise that “reality is perception.” Appear strong and therefore you are. So don’t you dare show any form of weakness.

Before moving to American in 1993, and becoming American in 2001, the idea of a cheerleader was so typically “made in the USA” type of thing. My European childhood cringed at the plastic pomp of toxic positivity served with dollops of cheese on popcorn, hamburgers and rinsed down with an extra large ice-filled root beer. Not to mention the loud, over confident Listerine inspired smiles spilling from chiseled jawlines that made Ken and Barbie proud of their “we can do this” heritage.

My disdain for American tackiness didn’t lack hypocrisy. I both loved and hated America for its cliches and positive predictability (and still do as a now Naturalized Yank). So much pride and honor ingrained into the fabric of this country’s young history, tradition and zealous commercialization of anything deemed as uplifting, grandiose, vibrant and optimistic. American’s don’t lose. They don’t bow to anybody. Fuck being submissive bitches! We’ll leave that for the overly polite pretentious English gentlemen, cowardly smelly fromage-eating French frogs, and humility-plagued Asians, bowing in submission (not humility).

There is nonetheless, much beauty to this optimistic American mindset designed to believe in itself even during the darkest of nights. There is a dangerous expectation to be positive at all times, however. And if you’re not feeling positive, then learn how to fake it with a big smile, positive affirmations and empty friendships build on escapism and fitting in.

Solution?

When somebody expresses a tough moment, a set back, cheerleaders will usually stand front-center and become their normal cheerleader self.

That “Go Get It” American positive, ambitious, driven mindset must be maintained, so they encourage their fallen friends to get up and go again. “You’ve got this! Don’t worry about your leg, said the cheerleader. “There are plenty of para olympians who also lost a leg. Focus on gratitude and you’ll be just fine.” … But is that the right thing to do? Use Emotional Intelligence to determine when.

If the cheerleader took a breath and focused on the fallen broken soul, rather than their own positivity, the interaction might be very different. Because while they’re jumping and motivating, the convo on the other side of the street is more like…. “Please don’t be my cheerleader when I’m crying. Make it about my pain for a moment will you, please. Cause I’m sick and tired of your perfectly happy life.”

When the mental burden becomes too much, what happens? America is addicted to self numbing; alcohol, addiction to TV/social media, porn, inspirational quotes etc. Bandaids aren’t doing the trick; perhaps short term. What the country is really looking for is deep human connection that is honest and caring. An environment where we feel safe to be ourselves; positive and or negative.

Next time your dear friend is going through a hard time, don’t be the cheerleader. Why? Because you being a cheerleader makes it about YOUR optimism and not THEIR predicament. Which is selfish. While they are grieving, sit with them void of judgment or advice. In time, and by that I mean, THEIR time not yours, leverage your lacking emotional intelligence to know when it’s time to help them snap out of it with a positive pep talk. Until then, just listen and sit with them.

“Merica, we must learn to allow raw, honest and sincere negativity to be a part of our everyday stories. Let’s become human again with less pretending or stoic perception that all is well when it’s not.

Now give me a: V. I. T. A. L.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine.

Is the EGO friend or foe?

The EGO has been studied and analyzed by some of the great thinkers of the world. Here is a simplified break down and perspective. According to an article in Psychology Today by Mark Leary Ph.D, he says, “The concept of "ego" is among the most confusing in psychology.”

We’ve probably all heard, if not made negative comments about a person’s ego ourselves. Why, because it’s commonly viewed as a negative. Check your ego at the door. Ever heard that one? It’s as if you were entering a saloon that didn’t allow guns (cowboys back in the day), to avoid conflict or death.

“Oh, what an ego?
”(insert personal pronoun) ego is out of control / so big… they have such a big ego.”

But is the ego always a foe, or can it also be a friend? Watch the short 4-min video below to find out.

If, and a big IF, you are able to check your ego (not at the door), but in the mirror, there is potential to become and overall better human being who brings value to those they interact with; at work, at home. That will feed your ego to feel good about itself because your relationships, performance and results will increase… you’ll be more likable and more trustable. Ultimately, minimizing the ego invites and inspires authentic and meaningful connection. After all, isn’t that why we’re here, to connect?

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

7-time author

Artist

Inspirationalist

What's the difference between creativity and imagination?

Creativity, like imagination, is very hard to define. As an artist, or a creative, you will nonetheless need healthy doses of both. They overlap sometimes appearing to be the same. Both can be enhanced and stimulated to free and empower your creator soul. But what’s the difference?

The fundamental difference between the two is that imagination requires no intent or action. Creativity is the implementation of what the imagination reveals. Creativity offers an outcome based on a strategy that can be calculated, spontaneous, conceptual, abstract, and unscripted. It needs action or expression in order to have any significant value. Let’s dissect the two.

IMAGINATION: One of many official definitions of imagination is: the faculty or action of forming new ideas, or images or concepts of external objects not present to the senses.

In other words, it’s the conjuring up of “stuff” that does not necessarily exist or aligns with the reasoning of standard norms. It is not confined by logic or the laws of physics. It is limitless. It is the launching pad of creativity. It can simply be void of purpose or action, eternally floating in the ether.

Imagination kind of just happens randomly, at will, many times uninvited. The wiring in our brain is constantly at work as every thought includes a dose of imagination. Maybe the ultimate and defining difference is that creativity has boundaries. The imagination is limitless and infinite. We can literally imagine everything and anything. Nothing is remotely impossible. That is power!

Imagination has been our most formidable ally since the birth and consciousness of our species. Some would argue that it’s one attribute that separates us from all other animals… a gift that makes us “supreme" and advanced. It has also been our supreme enemy. It can generate such beauty, successes, and emotional escape.Imagination also invites advancement. But it’s not all power and poetry.

It can also and does engender extreme ugliness: massacres and genocides, WMD, greed and torture. It can produce emotional and cerebral paralysis through worry, fear, and anxiety.

CREATIVITY: Unlike imagination, creativity has boundaries and limits. Creativity has the challenge of turning ideas, fantasy etc, into answers into something tangible, or applicable. Those answers are limited to our knowledge, intellect and available resources. Where as imagination knows no bounds.

Creativity needs nurture and stimulation and doesn’t just happen. Many think It’s a skill or talent. It’s not. It’s a mindset fueled by our imagination. It helps us design a better life for ourselves by allowing us to apply solutions that negate roadblocks and defy locked doors when leveraged.

It helps us heal from our past wounds, in particular childhood trauma through expression. The wounded inner child seems to develop heightened creativity as a coping mechanism that often inspires art in its many forms. Though creativity is not limited to art… and everybody is creative.

The New York Times best-selling American author Eric Jerome Dickey says that, “It’s impossible to explain creativity. It’s like asking a bird, ‘How do you fly?’ You just do.” Dickey has a point, though I wouldn’t call it impossible to explain — difficult, yes, but not impossible. Is anything really impossible? That depends on your imagination and creativity.

You can learn more on this topic in my book, FLYING BEYOND THE NET

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

6-time author

Artist

Inspirationalist

How to Easily Resolve and Minimize Conflicts... at home and at work

Conflicts are inevitable and in many ways a healthy part of human interaction. Other times, they suck!

They allow us to see and understand what is important to us and to others… the metaphoric line in the sand. However, left unresolved, conflicts fracture strong, meaningful relationships and weaken the works in progress. Resentment builds, slowly turning to anger, disdain, insult and injury.

At the heart of most conflicts is miscommunication and most importantly, lack of understanding or empathy (emotional intelligence). The key is to resolve them quickly and effectively. How do you achieve that?

Here's how.

1.  MAINTAIN an optimistic outlook… by staying optimistic and hopeful, you will experience less frustration and therefore, more calm. A calm mind doesn’t get lost in the negative ego that fuels conflict.

2.  PRACTICE Empathetic listening… it’s not always about your perspective and opinion. Taking their angle into consideration could diffuse the issue.

3.  ASK the other person to suggest a solution. This one works wonders because it empowers the other person. Often times, anger is a result of having no power or voice.

4.  SEEK to understand… most conflicts are based on misunderstanding. If you focus on understanding, you may still disagree, but it’s hard to become negative or defensive. Did I mention empathy?

5.  CONSIDER your role in the conflict and adapt accordingly. Ultimately, we are responsible for our choices and behavior and can change them at any time. We can’t change the behavior of others. Conflicts are rarely based on one person or one side. This realization is the game-changer. Unfortunately, accountability is in big part the deal breaker. Carry this responsibility well and enjoy the rewards.

6.  ACKNOWLEDGE the opinions and perspective of others. Sometimes the simple act of acknowledging somebody else’s opinion is a massive first step to resolution. Let them clearly know you see and respect their point or perspective.

7.  STATE your case tactfully. Diplomacy goes a long way. Humans are emotional beings, with some being more sensitive than others. Tact doesn’t mean being soft or compromising your stance. Tact is about optimizing your emotional intelligence to secure a positive outcome.

8.  “ATTACK" the problem, not the person. This is the one that we too easily get caught up in. The problem becomes personal and we focus on accusing the person of wrong-doing. Though wrong-doing may be the issue, the root cause lies deeper. Take time to explore the real problem.

9.  AVOID the blame game. This is something we’ve probably all done at some point; blame. It may not be your fault, but you are always responsible for how you react or respond. Not everybody is capable of personal accountability. Make sure you are capable, less run down a cul-de-sac of zero growth.

10.                ORGANIZE a necessary and concise meeting to openly discuss. Focus on the resolve. The key it to use the time effectively and strategically. If you can’t meet in person (preferably), a video conference call (zoom, Skype or…). Make sure it’s done in a relaxed environment and opportune time. Address the issue openly and using the previous 9 steps… share this list with them too and both agree and commit to following this playbook.

BRING IT ALL TOGETHER: Tap into your Emotional Intelligence and become more aware of your personal behavior, needs and emotional triggers. Become even more aware of the triggers in others. It’s a two-way street. Breathe, relax, step outside of yourself for a moment and respond from a healthy place void of stress, anger or unconscious bias. If you’ve executed all ten options and zero resolve has been established, you may be dealing with an ass%&*#. Walk away and cut your losses. It’s a long-term win win.

LEARN MORE: My online communication course has a whole session dedicated to this topic. While you’re there, you’ll obtain endless tools to improve your communication and relationships.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

6-time author

Inspirationalist: keynote speaker / coach / trainer