Managing and Understanding Your Anger

Anger is confusing! Toxic relationships breed anger, oftentimes fueled by ongoing disrespect. Should you be angered at disrespect or is your anger a negative, even toxic response?

Some “spiritual purists” will say that anger is bad, suggesting it means that you have relinquished your power to the other person who incited or evoked your anger. Or that anger is the sign of a non-enlightened person, victim to the human realm of darkness and doom because they are not enlightened.

So, now what?

Well, different theories appear from different factions of the human race, dependent on their belief systems, core values and biases, with neither being an absolute truth, because the human experience and any opinion on the vastness of existence and consciousness is speculation. “But the Bible says so.” “But scientists say it’s this.” Both have value and both are true if you believe in them. Not everybody does. So, truth is a multi-sided coin.

Nonetheless, when it comes to anger, it’s both “good” and “bad”.

Anger is good when it serves as a gauge or warning sign that your core values have been violated. Your anger is protecting you by inspiring an intense response to fight back and defend the essence of your character or protect something you love.

For those of you who pretend you are so enlightened you don’t get angry, I am calling BS. You simply get angry at different things but there is something out there that if it violated you, you would be “triggered” into anger for the sake of love or fear. Furthermore, you are a human, why not embrace this human experience designed to teach us what it means to be human, even if humanity is only a physical manifestation of spirit… with spirit potentially being immune to anger. But until, I transform back to spirit, I have no shame, guilt or regret at having human emotions… and neither should you.

Anger is bad, when you inflict pain, even revenge, on others. Even though it is a release of intense, and probably pent-up energy, if your emotions inflict unwarranted pain on others, then I view it as a negative. Your anger will have gotten the better of you. Losing control, though human is nonetheless, not recommended. Better to take a pause, a deep breathe and evaluate your options with a clear, yet angered mind, body and spirit. Anger usually impacts every aspect of our being… not just mindset.

Transmuting pain is how to truly control and leverage our anger. The hurt must be redirected into something that can harmlessly absorb our pained emotion: punching a bag, yelling into a pillow, running, dancing, art… the list is endless. In your emotional expression and purge, your are both protecting others and yourself as you heal. 

Anger left untreated or unreleased is really the culprit to a negative reaction.  

I do not promote self-love as it’s an invite to narcissim - I focus on selfcare through awareness (emotional intelligence - the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others).

Through awareness and understanding of what your human experience is putting you through, (tracking the root cause of your inner pain) is the master of managing your anger. We often don’t dig deep enough to understand ourselves and our emotions. As a result, we quickly point the finger at the immediate victim or threat who perhaps only made us aware that we are carrying deep, hidden hurt, pain and resentment. If finding the source, we can begin to control and manage how we react and respond to everything and anything that happens to us or around us. What happens next, despite your humanness, is always a choice. We are forever empowered to make that choice.

In closing, anger is your friend if, and when you choose to make it so. Lose control, and it becomes your enemy, impacting your emotional, mental, spiritual, intellectual and physical state.

Acceptance versus Submission

There is a fine, yet, major difference between acceptance and submission. They often get confused. One brings peace, and the other incites resentment if not anger.

WHAT IS SUBMISSION

Submission is a negative and highly detrimental form of acceptance. It means you have allowed something to be or happen through the lens of a victim void of power. You have given in to whatever external forces are imposed on you. Submitting means you have dishonored the essence of your identity and your core values. You have lacked courage and now inspired internal shame, guilt and regret.

Submission means reluctantly being a doormat, a push-over, and weak. You are now are unhappy with yourself, your decisions, and your own choices. You will not only feel guilt, shame and resentment, but internal anger will manifest, impacting your physical, intellectual and emotional wellbeing.

How do you know if you have submitted to circumstance? You will know because your soul will be fighting itself or complaining.

WHAT IS ACCEPTANCE

Acceptance on the other hand, is being at peace with your decision and the external forces. There will be no guilt or shame. It’s about letting go and willingly embracing the outcome void of resistance. This brings tranquility to your soul. Your nervous system will be calm. There will be guild up of cortisol in your body.

Your objective is to be, and feel empowered with your life and wellbeing. Acceptance provides this tranquil state of mind.

Through genuine and sincere acceptance, you take ownership of YOU by protecting and honoring your core values, your needs, wants and expectations. It might feel selfish at first if you are not used to honoring yourself. It is only through listening to your inner voice and acting in alignment with that voice that your wellbeing becomes a priority. In due time you will find a healthy balance between giving and caring for others and protecting you.

As you change and become empowered, you will now need to accept the loss of “friends” and even family. Perhaps even your job. Accept this as it is the beginning of a new and empowered chapter of your life.

BRING IT ALL TOGETHER

So, remember, if you are unhappy with something but allow it to happen, you are submitting. If you are at peace (and you must be honest with this feeling of being at peace), you are living in the mindset of acceptance and ultimate empowerment.

If you are not at peace with something, it means additional work needs to be done. Either you keep fighting the situation until you find a solution, or you learn to sincerely accept and embrace the situation, understanding that it is out of your control. YOU MUST BE AT PEACE to achieve acceptance.

Allowing somebody to continue to abuse or take advantage of you to maintain the peace, is not acceptance. Because the peace is not yours. It’s their piece and your torment. It means you have been bullied or manipulated into submission. Not healthy!

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine (The Sigma Empath)

Narc Abuse Recovery

Surviving a narcissist may well be one the most heroic and courageous human acts you will ever go through.

Why?

Because you are basically fighting for your soul. During that struggle you will face 3 adversaries.

1. THE NARCISSIST: they will victimize you in endless typical ways, including: gaslighting, love-bombing, triangulation, bread-crumbing, lies, manipulation, one-upping, denial, deflection, projection….

2. YOUR LOST SELF: you are no longer the same you and you won’t understand what hit you. You’ll be confused, disorientated, helpless… LOST.

3. DISBELIEF FROM SOCIETY: narc abuse is so horrific that others will find it hard to believe you (a form of subconscious collective gaslighting). Not to mention the narcissist’s “flying monkeys”. The only people who might believe you and relate, are those who have walked your path.

The result of these three adversaries can become total self-isolation as a protective mechanism. Finding your soul again after it has been chewed, sucked dry of life and then discarded like trash is one of the most painful wounds a human can experience. It is torture. Be kind to yourself during your recovery steps. SELF-EMPATHY.

Those who have not experienced it may undermine the damage it does. Good for you if you haven’t experienced narc abuse. I’m glad you have no idea what I am talking about. If you have, I feel your pain. You are not alone.

Narc abuse over long term, literally cause the brain to change. This physiological change impacts decision-making, memory, and general cognitive decline. Left unresolved, quickly morphs into chronic stress disorders.

This is only the tip of the iceberg of navigating narc abuse and/or understanding what it means to be an empath.

If you are an empath, the odds you have experienced the narc are so high. Empaths are prime bait for the narcissist, until… the empath becomes empowered. Everybody and anybody should be empowered to fight the darkness of the narcissist. They show up as toxic bosses, our sons and daughters, our parents, siblings, trusted best friends… and most impact fully as romantic partners.

The only solution is to become an empowered empath or an educated individual who is or has experienced narc abuse. It took me over 5 years to recover from one narc relationship in particular.

The first step is awareness of the narc abuse, despite their typical behaviors, with gaslighting being the most common. Gaslighting will drive you nuts making you doubt reality and your own perception of life. You’ll think YOU are the problem, denying all self-awareness that you are in fact being abused.

Once you have acknowledged the abuse, now begins the arduous life-saving journey to finding your soul again. It can take months, years, decades. Your body and nervous system have to completely reset from a constant cortisol overdose. It’s addictive.

If only I knew then what I know now!!!

If you have experienced narcissist abuse, or you are an empath, I highly recommend reading my book, PINK IS THE COLOR OF EMPATHY for insight. If you are trying to find yourself again, fowling narc abuse, or are currently struggling to escape an abuse relationship with a narc, please contact me for coaching.

Vital Germaine

The KAIZEN-Driven Mindset, why it's a game changer

SUCCESS IN ANY CAPACITY IS NOT RANDOM.

During my 5+ years as an acrobat and team captain in Cirque du Soleil, I observed and observed and learned so much about individual and organizational success.

Like every amazing Cirque production, they are not random. The success is directed, choreographed, inspired and produced. It means optimizing each and every aspect built on the KAIZEN mindset.

Each amazing trick that has made you gasp during a cirque show took talent, courage, risk, vision, planning communication, creativity and commitment. Once a show has been “finished” that’s when part two of the success journey begins. And without part 2, there is no Cirque.

The commitment is a KAIZEN thing.

Kaizen is a Japanese term meaning change for the better or continuous improvement. Kaizen sees improvement in productivity as a gradual and methodical process. It was created by Masaaki Imai, a Japanese organizational theorist and management consultant. In observing and studing the Toyota Production System and its Lean principles who deducted that, their success was driven by a mindset of constant optimization (on all levels).

The Cirque culture parallels the Kaizen philosophy. Each dance step, acrobatic flip, lighting cue etc. had potential to become better. The journey is never-ending. It doesn’t take great effort, only a consistent commitment to learning and growth. Done over time, the results become incredible.

Think how much you could change and reach higher if you intentionally introduced Kaizen into your personal and professional life. Small increments of growth lead to massive transformation.

Brendan Buchard said, “First, it is an intention. Then a behavior. Then a habit. Then a practice. Then a second nature. Then it is simply who you are.”

Begin the Kaizen mindset today and you’ll be amazed where you’ll be a year from now. Happy travels.

Learn more about Kaizen in my new book, THINK LIKE AN ARTIST.

Vital Germaine.

There are 3 main factors that deny you of your inner genius.

Your inner genius is connected to your inner child. Your inner child is the key to your authentic freedom and empowerment. The problem is that your inner genius is suffocated into submission as you age. Why? How?

1.     Convention and conformity molds us into bots with a heartbeat, calcifying our inner genius, stifling our uniqueness.

Look at our outdated education system. We sit in rows. Walk in lines. Learn a curriculum that a committee has deemed the best for everybody. Conventional education, despite its need and benefits, tells us what to think… mandates us to fit in. Formal education tells us what to think rather than how to think independently. 

2.     Parents and adults who live in fear bombard their children with restricting orders. According to Gallup, children hear on average, 232 no’s or negative comments a day. By the time they reach their teens and early adulthood, those 232 daily parental no’s will have molded those kids into driving in very specific lanes afraid to disrupt, afraid to imagine, afraid to be themselves. Those lanes become filled with worker bees and ants who don’t know how to think independently. It’s a boring, non-imaginative lane that provides a sense of belonging… a basic human need according to Maslo (Hierarchy of needs). So, we comply.

If you are happy with being a worker bee, stay calm and carry on. But what if there was more meaning and purpose to your life than that which your parents made you believe? Are you living their limiting beliefs and expectations?

I understand the intention of most parents. They want to protect their children from harm, danger or ridicule. They want their kids to succeed… but in a selfish way the parent feels is the better way. But is that way in the best interest of that kid or projection? Too many parents prevent their children becoming who they were meant to be… themselves.

“Don’t climb on that.”

“That’s not good for you.”

“Why can’t you be like everybody else?”

“Stop that!”

“No, no, no, no, no!”

By the time we become adults, our organic and authentic dreams and aspirations will have faded. We submit because we have disconnected from the endless possibilities we once possessed as children.

3.     The fear of failure prevents us from taking risks, being different, trying the new. Social media has magnified this collective hypnosis. We select trending music on our posts to get more likes rather than choosing what we really like and what we really want to express. We copy paste the most popular choreography on Tik Tok. We observe what everybody else is doing and conclude that that is how things should be done to be successful.

$6 Million Question!

If there were no consequences to your actions, choices, behaviors or dreams, would you be doing what you are today?

Living your true genius takes courage. Boatloads of audacity. But it’s in you. It’s not too late to become who you were meant to be and who you once dreamed of becoming, despite what your parents or society told you.

Your inner child will set you free and enable you to fly if you connect and listen.

Vital Germaine

President AIM TO WIN, Inc

How to Create Positive New Habits with Ease

Whenever wanting to change a behavior or a habit, it's not easy to find motivation and follow through! So then what?

A great place to start that process of positive growth is to change the reason or focus. For example, trying to lose weight just for you is a tough ask. Think of a reason outside of yourself… somebody you care for or love deeply. If your reason to lose weight is to be healthy so you can be there longer for your grandkid and have more energy to play with them, the motivation has now shifted away from the self. The task becomes easier to achieve. You have a powerful reason to commit.

As a whole, whenever our sense of purpose is bigger and beyond ourselves, the motivation almost happens naturally. We become driven and compelled to act.

The key to succeed is to find a reason that is truly dear to you. It can be love based or even fear based, because these two emotions are the strongest motivators to humans. We either run away from pain or we run towards pleasure. The fear of losing somebody can inspire changed behavior. A deep wearing to win somebody’s favor can drive us to new habits.

Who or what is your new carrot? Take a moment to clearly identify that element. The more specific you are understanding this focal point, the better. How much does that person mean to you? Once you’ve clearly established that, you are empowered to REACH HIGHER.

This blog only highlights a STARTING point. Remember that change is not a one-pill fix. However, this is a great platform to grow your wings and fly.

Vital Germaine

Is intuition a gift, a myth or a curse?

If you’re an intuitive, know that you live in a different time, space continuum than logical thinkers… neither better nor worse… just different. Though I personally believe intuition is a gift. Some receive it automatically. Some have to work on developing it. And it appears that some will forever be numb to its offerings, partially due to disbelief.

The seemingly lucky people in life connect with, and trust their intuition. Most will embrace intuition in conjunction with the element of planning and analyses. Intuition is not a blind act built purely on belief, it is your truest sense of knowledge. Intuition and instinct are not synonymous. Instinct is immediate and purely driven by the reptilian brain. Intuition includes your moral compass (values), gut, experience and the subconscious mind combining with your heart to tell you what is best or what is a negative vibe or energy.

Your gut and heart simply know. Don’t underestimate the power of your heart. Modern research is showing that the heart sends more signals to the brain than the other way around. Design a more promising future by connecting to your intuition. Leverage its power.  Be aware you have access to it.

The HeartMath Institute executed nineteen years of extensive research on the relationship between the psychophysiology of stress, emotions, and the interactions between the heart and brain. They concluded that the heart sends more signals to the brain than the brain sends to the heart. 

If intuition is your compass, stay calm and carry on. The greats just seem to have a knack of knowing when and how to risk and expand their horizons with brave decisions.

“The only real valuable thing is intuition.” - Albert Einstein

You may find logical thinkers unable to understand your convictions based on your gut screaming to do what simply FEELS right. How can you be so sure based on a feeling? Lieutenant Colombo always had a hunch (as do most detectives).  It’s a feeling that is deeper than thought or intellect. It stems from the heart… OR..

On a spiritual or holistic level, there is a direct correlation between intuition and the pineal gland or third eye (chakra). It is a form of awakening that connects us to the source. Meditation is a practice that will help you connect and develop your intuition. As we age and due to nutrition, environment and social programming, our pineal gland calcifies. Without nurture: exercise and stretching it can die, so to speak.

Ultimately, true intuition doesn’t need reasoning, evidence of validation. If you are caught between intuition and ego driving decisions, the ego will base decisions on Information. Not intuition, because It just is. Don’t trust it, obey. it is a channel connecting us to an all-knowing form of consciousness that gifts us with insight. It negates time and dimension because universal wisdom isn’t confined to these human-made constructs. Embrace time as non-linear and you will see that intuition is both the past, present and future converging in your gut, heart or third eye (pineal gland).

Vital Germaine

I talk a lot about intuition and the power of the heart in my book, THINK LIKE AN ARTIST.

Becoming a High-Value Person

Once upon a time I believed that high-value people were only those with status: influence, financial clout or a broad-reaching network. I was wrong.

If we reframe the meaning of a high-value person, we elevate a lot of people who are undermined in society. That may include you.

The above mentioned people are indeed high value… however, the title of high-value person is not limited to that demographic. Some of those wealthy, influential people (influencers) may be of high value in certain areas, but not across the board. Maybe they provide very little emotional value to those they love; think of the overworked executive who has very little time and energy for the kids. That person is of very little emotional value; and money is not everything.

You can become a high-value person in any field; a stay-home-mom or -dad with a net worth of zero, or with a social network of just your dog or cat/gold fish; and of course aunt Sally.

It’s about how you are helping, supporting and understanding people. It’s about emotional intelligence.

The last words of Steve Jobs, billionaire, dead at 56:

"I have reached the summit of success in the world of business." In the eyes of others, my life is a success.

However, aside from work, I had little joy. In the end, wealth is just a fact I am used to.

At this moment, laying on my hospital bed, remembering my whole life, I realize that all the gratitude and wealth in which I took so much pride, has vanished and became meaningless in the face of imminent death.

You can hire someone to drive your car or make money for you but it's impossible to hire someone to deal with sickness and die for you.

Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost - "Life".

Whatever stage of life we are currently in, with time, we will face it the day the curtain closes.

Love your family, spouse and friends... Treat them right . Cherish them.

As we get older, and wiser, we slowly realize that wearing a $300 or $30 watch - both give the same hour...

Whether we have a $300 or $30 wallet or purse - the amount inside is the same;

Whether we drive a $150,000 car or $30,000 car, the road and distance are the same, and we arrive at the same destination.

That we drink a bottle of wine at 1000. $ or $10 hangover is the same;

That the house we live in is 300 or 3000 square feet - the loneliness is the same.

You will realize that your true inner happiness does not come from material things of this world.

Whether you travel first class or economic class, if the plane crashes, you crash with it...

Therefore .. I hope you realize, when you have friends, boyfriends and old friends, brothers and sisters, with whom you argue, laugh, talk, sing, talk about north-south-east or heaven and earth,.... This is the real happiness!!

An indisputable fact of life:

Don't educate your kids to be rich. Educate them to be happy. So when they grow up they will know the value of things and not the price.

Here are 9 ways to gauge your social worth.

1. The way you show up (be authentic, respectful and kind)

2. The way you communicate (sincere)

3. Your character (core values)

4. Be impeccable with your word

5. Your intentions (purpose)

6. Have more empathy with healthy boundaries

7. Show them you care

8. Giving back or paying it forward

9. Be a safe person (trustworthy / non-judgmental)

Society is emotionally struggling, in particular, the younger generations who need more emotional support than actual financial resources or celebrity.

As a parent, as a friend, lover, partner; be the best version of you for that person and you instantly become a high-value person. The best example I can think of, is a teacher. They rarely become financially wealthy… they are underpaid heroes! Yet, a good teacher brings infinite value to the next generation. I can think of one or two of my teachers who heavily influenced the course of my life, if not saved my life growing up as a kid lost in the British Child Care System. Their value was and is priceless.

Take a moment to self evaluate.

As a person, are you doing that little extra and being the best version of yourself with the wellbeing of others at heart? If yes, you are a high-value person. Congrats.

As a leader, are you inspiring and empowering your team? If you are, then you instantly become a high value leader. If you work at the register at Walmart, are your committed to providing great customer service to each and every person you ring up? If you do, then you are a high value person.

Have the mindset to want to reach higher each and every day, the mindset to do more for your village or community, the mindset to be more empathetic, to be more giving and caring etc. That is wealth right there.

If you are an influencer to the masses but provide little value to those who really need you: your kids, your significant other etc, then consider shifting the focus to those who really love you, not only those who admire you without knowing you. Ultimately, do that little extra and optimize who you are and become not only a high value person, but an extraordinary person. How to become your best self? Discover your IKIGAI

Former Miami Dolphins head coach, Jimmy Johnson, once said, “The difference between ordinary and extraordinary, is that little extra.”

The choice is yours.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

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How to stop being the losing "nice guy" or people-pleaser type.

If you are viewed as, or view yourself as a nice person who tends to please people and wish to change that, here’s some help:

The two most frustrating side-effects of being a people pleaser is that you exhaust yourself being so focused on the well-being of others, and that you become angry at them for abusing you OR angry at yourself. Here’s a harsh truth. You should be angry at yourself more than them. Why? Because you trained them and enabled them to treat you the way they do. Ouch!

Being a people pleaser will slowly eat away at your soul and keep your self-esteem at a low level, inviting more people to abuse or take advantage of your over-zealous generosity. You have probably already reached this level if you’re reading this. It’s time to change for you own well-being.

It’s going to take courage and time to overturn something that you’ve probably been doing your entire adulthood, if not starting in childhood. The good news is, you’ve got this one step at a time.

Let’s begin this journey of transformation by identifying the top 10 traits of people-pleasers. This is a simplified bullet pointed list from a Psychology Today article by, Amy Morin, licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist.

1. You pretend to agree with everyone.

2. You feel responsible for how other people feel.

3. You apologize often.

4. You feel burdened by the things you have to do.

5. You can’t say no.

6. You feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you.

7. You act like the people around you.

8. You need praise to feel good.

9. You go to great lengths to avoid conflict.

10. You don’t admit when your feelings are hurt.

You may or may not have all of these 10 character traits. If you have multiple of these then the odds are you are indeed a people pleaser. If you are ready to transform into a more confident and decisive person, read on. If you aren’t ready, no worries, I am not here to please you. I am here to inspire and empower you to reach higher, grow wings and fly without a net.

How to stop being so nice; a people pleaser.

How do I know all of this? Because I’ve travelled the journey, combined with extensive research. Coaching others to transform into more confident and decisive versions of themselves has also taught me much. I’m happy and honored to share.

1. Set boundaries. People pleasers tend to not set boundaries, let alone honor them. By not setting boundaries you are fully responsible for training people how to treat you. Learn and establish a goal to set boundaries at the onset of every single new relationship moving forward, starting today! Trying yourself to say “no” to simple and seemingly meaningless things just for the hell of it. Get used to saying no! Train them to learn you are willing to say no. Focus on this if as if your life depended on it… cause it kind of does; your wellbeing is on the line.

   For the relationships that already know you to have non-existent boundaries and who are already trained to know they can take advantage of you, establishing boundaries will cause great conflict. Be ready to experience conflict, even the death of those relationships. It’s all necessary, so don’t stop honoring your mission. It’s gonna suck. Keep at it.

2. Stop looking for external validation. This will take time and a lot of inner work to find the true source of self within you. Now, keep in mind, humans are social beings and our status and self worth is influenced by how we are perceived and treated. However, deep down inside, you need to have a strong sense of self and self worth. Take time to identify your strengths and stay focused on those things about you. Slowly minimize your need to rely on compliments to feel good about yourself. It’s a process. If you start the work today and are consistent, you’ll be surprised how quickly you can change.

3. Be aware that you are trying to people-please. All beginnings start with awareness that something is not the way you’d like it to be and that change is required. Being honest with yourself and accepting that, yes, you are the “loser type, people pleaser” will hurt and be upsetting. And ironically, that realization will weaken your already fragile self-esteem. Take the punch; a standing count. Get back up and begin the fight… today! You once were a people pleaser. That was yesterday. Today and tomorrow are different.

4. Visualize yourself standing up for yourself. Practice, practice, practice. It will take a while to get good at not people pleasing. Incremental steps and small weekly goals. Ask yourself, who you do people please the most and begin changing those interactions with conviction and finesse.

   Those people will now be upset at your new boundaries. They may get (probably will get) angry and disappointed with you, claiming you’ve changed. Hell yeah, you’ve changed! The new you may even cost you relationships because they will no longer benefit from your exaggerated benevolence. Who wants to give up that kind of perk? Very few. Deja vu??? Yes, I am intentionally repeating this. They could even try to manipulate you and accuse you of being mean, cold and difficult.

   Don’t become emotional! Logic and a cool head is required to navigate this selfish mirroring and blame shifting on their part. They know full-well they took advantage of you. Be stead fast in your transformation. Keep going. New and better relationships are around the corner. Time to get a new tribe.

5. You're not responsible for the feelings or problems of others. You are not everybody’s paren or babysitter. They are adults fully capable of making independent decisions and taking action to fix their problems and challenges. That shit is not your shit to fix!

6. Honor yourself … be KIND to yourself and live authentically. Some will call this self love. I prefer self care and/or self respect. As you honor yourself and establish new and solid boundaries, it may feel as if you are being mean. A hard “no” may sound insensitive and lacking empathy. Asking to have your needs and expectations met will feel aggressive to you. Keep going. Allow the pendulum to potential swing to the other extreme. In time you will find the happy medium. But now, for once, it must be all about you. You’ve got this.

Having said all of this, please remember that in your mission to toughen up and stop being a people pleaser, it’s still okay, if not recommended to always be kind.

How can you be kind and not be a people pleaser (a nice guy who finishes last)? Read my blog, What’s the difference between being kind and being nice. You need to know! If you’re committed about changing, I can and will help. Contact me for a FREE 15 minute coaching discovery session.

If you agree/disagree, or would like to add to this blog, I’d love to hear from you. Drop a comment.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

What exactly is success and how do you know when you are successful?

The common accepted definition of success is; the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. If you google success you’ll come across more elaborate explanations like this one:

Your individual definition of what success is may vary, but many might define it as being fulfilled, happy, safe, healthy, and loved. It is the ability to reach your goals in life, whatever those goals may be.

At very young ages we are told or programmed to perceive success as winning a metaphorical trophy; an achievement. However, many people have achieved much in their lives, yet they don’t feel successful. And in contrast, I know some people who have “achieved” very little, yet they feel fulfilled, accomplished… successful.

Success is a very subjective thing.

We each pursue different milestones or accolades to validate our worth; a degree, getting the hot girl/boy, driving the fancy car, getting a promotion, making money… but if we go deeper, the pursuit of all those “things” are simply to make us feel a certain way. We are emotional beings. We are attracted to that which makes us feel: good, secure, loved, welcome, at peace and whole. We choose a partner because of how they make us feel, not because of how we feel about them (dig deeper into yourself and you’ll see the truth in this).

As long as we focus on “things” to define our success, we will constantly be in hot pursuit of the next high. And it’s exactly the next high that we crave. We’ve all heard of retail therapy, right? Those purchases make us feel good; high. They are, however, short-term feel-good factors… shallow, superficial and not meaningful or replenishing to our soul.

Most keynote speakers, life coaches and employee development trainers I’ve exchanged notes with, provide their clients with “X” amount of steps to make more money, to have more influence, to build self confidence, resilience etc. How many of them encourage clients and audiences to simply live authentically, find purpose, fulfillment, inner peace and happiness in who they are or wish to become… not, WHAT they want to become, but WHO. When we live in alignment with our true identity, our character, our values, objectives and our emotional state surrounded by love and connection, then we live in a successful and fullfilled mind state.

This level of personal development is my focus in my keynotes and employee development trainings and workshops. It’s about the individual becoming a better version of themselves so they can REACH HIGHER. When they reach higher, your organization benefits… your customers’ feel that.

Success is ultimately the feeling of feeling good about yourself and the life you lead. For some, it’s as simple as a log cabin away from everybody and with minimal possessions. For others, it’s a big big house and plenty of toys.

We are all pursing the same thing… a feeling of goodness. The material things help provide that feeling. But it’s the deep spiritual feeling of being at “home” we desire, and that can be achieved in multiple ways, including with minimal possessions but a richness of living and giving.

Start focusing inward on what makes you feel good about yourself; it will lead to happiness, inner peace and fulfillment; now that’s ultimate success in life. Success is something to be designed and created in the heart, not purchased.

If you agree/disagree, or would like to add to this blog, I’d love to hear from you. Drop a comment and make sure to follow me on social media for more inspiration and tips to help you grow.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

How to Optimize Your Risk-Taking

There is an art form to rolling the dice in order to increase the odds of a positive outcome.

Is it time to quit the job you hate, buy the house, start your business, propose to your dream partner, ask that elusive love interest out on a date? They are all scary goals. When you take risks, the objective is to optimize the outcome, minimizing loss or "failure". Growth and change offer no guarantees. How do you minimize risk and optimize the reward/success? Well, the short version is… you gonna have to take step out of your comfort zone. That can be scary. Below are 5 pillars to help you navigate that fear and optimize the outcome.

1. INTUITION: The seemingly lucky people in life connect with, and trust their intuition in conjunction with the element of planning and analyses. The greats just seem to have a knack of knowing when and how to risk and expand their horizons. Intuition is not a blind act built purely on belief, it is your truest sense of knowledge. Intuition and instinct are not synonymous. Instinct is immediate and purely driven by the reptilian brain. Intuition includes your moral compass (values), gut, experience and the subconscious mind combining with your heart to tell you what is best or what is a negative vibe or energy.

Your gut or heart simply know. Deep down inside you get a sense if the risk is the right one and at the right time. Modern research is showing that the heart sends more signals to the brain than the other way around. On a holistic level, the heart is connected to the source of universal knowledge. Police detectives refer to this as a hunch… something they not only trust, but obey. Design a more promising future by connecting to your intuition. Leverage its power. Be aware you have access to it. Meditation the practice of using it will help ou develop it.

2. REASONING/EVALUATION: Compare and weigh out your best/worst case scenarios. Clearly define and understand the situation and the consequences. Are you observing and translating the signs? Ask such questions as:

• How influential will the value of that risk be and how will the result impact your life. What can you live with in terms of loss both on an emotional and financial level? Take the Blackjack player who takes all aspects into consideration before deciding to stick with what he's been dealt, or risk his hand by requesting an additional card. What are the odds that the next card is what is desired? 

• How much money/humiliation is at stake and can your afford to lose what’s at stake?

• What do the percentages suggest? If the odds are in your favor, take the risk… consult step 1 to increase the odds.

3. ALIENATION: In terms of pure business, have a pulse on what the market or environment is ready to embrace. If the change or risk you are contemplating is too drastic or dramatic, ask yourself if you will be supported in failure. Take into account how much conviction and resources you have up your sleeve to counter-act loss of friends/romantic interest or entrepreneurial venture. Are you equipped to navigate the storm of rejection, indifference or alienation?

4. ADAPTATION: Transformation is a progressive journey that demands strategic change and adaptation. The willingness to fail along that journey is a must... there is always a period of incubation and a learning curve to navigate during decision-making or when contemplating change or transformation. Risk and growth require patient nurturing while the new is sculpted. Most times the loss hurts. Can you live with that pain, learn, get up and go again? If so, definitely take the risk. Fingers crossed. Your institution has got this.

5. OPTIMIZATION:  The risk factor is ultimately based on what you can live with or what you are willing to die for? That is the boundary that confines or liberates you in regards to how far you are willing to elevate the ceiling and stretch your mind to the desired outcome. Put all these elements into place and enjoy the rewards of your risks and transformation.

Learn more in the two book:

THINK LIKE AN ARTIST: leveraging your creativity to grow your wings

Sincerely.

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What's the difference between creativity and imagination?

Creativity, like imagination, is very hard to define. As an artist, or a creative, you will nonetheless need healthy doses of both. They overlap sometimes appearing to be the same. Both can be enhanced and stimulated to free and empower your creator soul. But what’s the difference?

The fundamental difference between the two is that imagination requires no intent or action. Creativity is the implementation of what the imagination reveals. Creativity offers an outcome based on a strategy that can be calculated, spontaneous, conceptual, abstract, and unscripted. It needs action or expression in order to have any significant value. Let’s dissect the two.

IMAGINATION: One of many official definitions of imagination is: the faculty or action of forming new ideas, or images or concepts of external objects not present to the senses.

In other words, it’s the conjuring up of “stuff” that does not necessarily exist or aligns with the reasoning of standard norms. It is not confined by logic or the laws of physics. It is limitless. It is the launching pad of creativity. It can simply be void of purpose or action, eternally floating in the ether.

Imagination kind of just happens randomly, at will, many times uninvited. The wiring in our brain is constantly at work as every thought includes a dose of imagination. Maybe the ultimate and defining difference is that creativity has boundaries. The imagination is limitless and infinite. We can literally imagine everything and anything. Nothing is remotely impossible. That is power!

Imagination has been our most formidable ally since the birth and consciousness of our species. Some would argue that it’s one attribute that separates us from all other animals… a gift that makes us “supreme" and advanced. It has also been our supreme enemy. It can generate such beauty, successes, and emotional escape.Imagination also invites advancement. But it’s not all power and poetry.

It can also and does engender extreme ugliness: massacres and genocides, WMD, greed and torture. It can produce emotional and cerebral paralysis through worry, fear, and anxiety.

CREATIVITY: Unlike imagination, creativity has boundaries and limits. Creativity has the challenge of turning ideas, fantasy etc, into answers into something tangible, or applicable. Those answers are limited to our knowledge, intellect and available resources. Where as imagination knows no bounds.

Creativity needs nurture and stimulation and doesn’t just happen. Many think It’s a skill or talent. It’s not. It’s a mindset fueled by our imagination. It helps us design a better life for ourselves by allowing us to apply solutions that negate roadblocks and defy locked doors when leveraged.

It helps us heal from our past wounds, in particular childhood trauma through expression. The wounded inner child seems to develop heightened creativity as a coping mechanism that often inspires art in its many forms. Though creativity is not limited to art… and everybody is creative.

The New York Times best-selling American author Eric Jerome Dickey says that, “It’s impossible to explain creativity. It’s like asking a bird, ‘How do you fly?’ You just do.” Dickey has a point, though I wouldn’t call it impossible to explain — difficult, yes, but not impossible. Is anything really impossible? That depends on your imagination and creativity.

You can learn more on this topic in my book, FLYING BEYOND THE NET

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

6-time author

Artist

Inspirationalist

How to become and reveal the real you

Removing our mask to show the world who we truly are is potentially one of the biggest self-imposed hurdles humans face. It takes some serious courage to be ourselves and live authentically.

We are continually bombarded by social norms and pressured by the expectations of those we value. We want to fit in, be accepted and loved. The painful irony is that if people only love our mask, then they can never truly love us. And that hurts. This toxic dilemma of the human condition invites loneliness. It denies our inability to connect on a deeper and more meaningful level with the many that need the true us. If we are all pretending, then wow, what a long play to watch and be in. Do we really have time for that?

Superficial convos at the water cooler or the bar during happy-hour serve a great purpose. They initiate an opportunity to experience more depth. Here’s the ugly double-faced side of that coin. Yes, we expanded our network and zone of influence, all the while, we present a “fake” personal brand to somebody, and now we have to keep up that facade, less be judged for being fake… OH, THE TRAGIC IRONY of wanting to make a good impression and be liked and accepted. But wait, there’s more…

Imagine a world where you showed up as you… FREE. Imagine a world where you were okay, confident and empowered to be you, void of social trepidation, not concerned, or having to impress, or keep up with the 4.7 BILLION Jones’ on social media. Wow, that’s a lot of people to impress and try to influence. Why impress them all? Why not impress the like-minded individuals whose purpose and journey compliment yours. If you were financially wealthy as hell, you’d be more inclined to take off your mask. Imagine the healthy boundaries you’d set. Imagine the people you’d eliminate from your life. Imagine the BS you wouldn’t put up with. Imagine how you’d live… damn, how cool would that be?

Over the years, I have found myself admiring those who live life unapologetically with balls the size of… well, balls that are larger than life. People love them or hate them, and they are fine with that. They say what they feel. They express their values and beliefs. They make enemies. They find meaningful, life-long relationships. Why, because when we honor, protect and honor our values, we attract that. If you interact with people with the same values, you will find you can disagree without experiencing fundamentally divisive situations.

BTW, I don’t like some of those authentic people and need to keep them far away from me, but I respect and admire them for their candor: Madonna, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk… and a few a-holes in my life that you don’t know, and probably don’t want to know (unless your values align).

This philosophy of pure honest expression and living, doesn’t mean being reckless, lacking compassion and awareness as to how your words or actions could devastate others. In your freedom and authenticity, be kind and respectful. Know when to speak and share. Know when to keep quiet for the greater good. Just don’t pretend. Pretending is manipulation. Pretending is deceit. Pretending is lying. Maybe that’s why the world has become more depressed. We are all lying, knowing that our own truth is not quite as “glamorous’ as our contrived reality or character suggests. We can lie to others but never to ourselves.

When we lie to ourselves, it becomes hard to trust ourselves. It becomes hard to look in the mirror and be proud of our character. An element of shame and guilt will slowly invade our psyche. We are then tempted to lie even more to convince ourselves of what we are pretending to be is real. But we know. The cycle repeats and repeated. We entertain destructive behaviors and develop negative habits to help us deny the shadows. That is not only emotionally and intellectually exhausting, it exhausts the soul, and who really wants that kind of #$%@ in their lives?

It’s harder, but much more simple to be you. Take off your mask.

Take off your mask and you will invite happiness through your authenticity.

Long term, the right people will find you. Long term, you will find love. Long term you will experience the sense of belonging all humans crave; even the extreme introverts will. Take off your mask and you will invite happiness through your authenticity. You may cry a few tears as you shed your fake skin, and your fake friends. It will be worth it in the end.

 If you need or want to begin that journey, check out the FREE resources on my website. They are designed to bring you value. If you are ready to do a deep dive into self transformation, connect with me to set up a complimentary discovery session to see if you are a good coaching client that I can help.

Remember to subscribe to stay in the now.

Sincerely,

VITAL ‘inspire’ GERMAINE: designing resilient mindsets that reach higher

Mindset Coach, speaker, consultant & 6-time Author

IMAGINE • CREATE • BECOME