Is finding happiness as simple as choosing to be happy?
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Is finding happiness as simple as choosing to be happy? It is much more complex than the eternal optimist will have you believe?
In the name of mental health awareness, happiness is neither a one-size fits all prescription or a simple decision determined by the self. Many eternal optimists will say that happiness is based on 4 ingredients:
growth mindset
perspective
positive attitude
gratitude
There’s a lot of truth in those, however???
I’ve been teaching and promoting the power of attitude and mindset for over 10 years as a keynote speaker, author and coach, fully knowing there is more to it than that. I still sing the same optimistic song and want to inspire happier, healthier and wealthier lives, but with more wisdom, awareness, and understanding. I have become more comfortable and confident in sharing the less “motivational” side of life. Through research and study, I’ve become more of a realist, if not simply more educated in mental and emotional health.
If happiness were that simple, everybody would be doing happy dances around the world. The four above-mentioned platforms are valid until…
Those in a state of grief (and grief can last years, even a life-time), will not find solace in those 4 pillars. Extended grieving (and the reason doesn’t have to be apparent), can lead to depression. According to some studies, 6 months of grieving becomes “Complicated Grieving” due to the death a loved one etc. However, childhood trauma can have similar symptoms and similar impact on the mind and body as CG. They tend to be treated differently.
What depression actually is for another blog. Most studies will say it’s due to a chemical imbalance. There could be more to it than that. Nonetheless, it’s as complex as happiness, just on the opposing emotional spectrum. But depression isn’t negated by the basic act of choosing to not be sad. It’s not just sadness. It’s a deep, dark wound that doesn’t necessarily have a direct or obvious origin. It has random triggers steeped in guilt, shame, emotional exhaustion, grief, loss, abuse (in particular childhood).
There are steps to minimize the impact of depression. As there are steps to increase the feeling of happiness.
Humans are complex social beings with different dispositions, needs, expectations and back stories. All of which collectively combine to shape and influence our mental and emotional state. Some have happy dispositions genetically (hormone balance and innate personality types). Others have to work at it. For some, the uphill pursuit of happiness is seemingly impossible; and then society condemns them for their negativity, which unto itself is reason to be unhappy/depressed.
I know, I know, their lack of happiness is a choice due to their lack of a growth mindset, optimistic glass-half-full perspective, positive attitude and of course, lack of gratitude… right? Science claims that one can not live in state of gratitude and be simultaneously depressed. 2 things to consider about this one-size-fits-all theory!
It’s very hard to be grateful that you have shoes when you haven’t eaten in weeks. Context, circumstance plays a key role. Same for somebody who’s leg just got bitten off by a shark. “Hey mate, be grateful he only bit one off.” Right, right.
The rudimentary answer is this.
Happy people have simply had their emotional needs met. Perhaps by design; they’ve invested time and energy buidling a life that inspires happiness with their basic human needs met. This is true if you subscribe to Abraham Maslo’s needs pyramid.
Not everybody can design their happiness, because not everybody can acquire their emotional needs. Circumstances are often out of our control… I know, I know; mindset, perspective, attitude and gratitude outweighs circumstance, right? Not everybody is that fortunate to have that innate disposition or the ability to develop such an optimistic mindset; just like some people don’t have the physical ability to run a mile under 4 mins, or slam dunk like Jordan or Shaq. Maybe if they had the right mindset? Maybe if they simply ate more spinach and drank more milk they could learn how to slam dunk, right?
Physical ability is easy to measure and quantify because it’s tangible and measurable. Mental and emotional health are not measurable or tangible for that matter. intelligent humans, we must begin to acknowledge that people are different and that there is never a one-size fits all formula for happiness in life. I truly believe that this level of empathy could change the world, inspiring more happiness. Oh the irony!
For the eternally happy and optimistic, I hope things don’t ever change for you and that the glass remains half full. If you’re experiencing a mild and temporary “funk” consider reading the book; REACHING HIGHER, 21 ways to keep life positive. It’s how I got out of my depression. It’s a book I often have to revisit myself cause reminders help.
For the deeply sad, lonely, invisible, broken and forgotten, I hope your needs will soon be met and that the complex pursuit of happiness is yours by the ‘morrow. If the sadness is too heavy or deep, consider reaching out to a trusted friend who will listen and understand, rather than judge, coach or cheerlead… or seek counseling.
Sincerely,
Vital Germaine
