When the curtain closes on your career?
/The show must go on they said. Must it, really or is that just a way to mess with your optimism keeping it naive and hopeful?
Have you ever come to a moment in time when you were sure the show had come to an end? If, you’re still alive right now, then the proof is in the pudding. Could it have been easier?
Cirque du Soleil, somewhere in the world.
“Well, you’re gonna need surgery as soon as possible.”
“And then?”
“Hard to tell. It’s possible we’ll have to fuse the ankle joint. That’s something the surgeon will decide.”
What did that mean?
I definitely didn’t want to hear what fusing the joint meant. It sounded medieval.
“Can you see the break here and here?” the doctor pointed out.
The long, spiral fracture that ran up my fibula in a jagged line was more than apparent. To add to the dismay, the doctor pointed out the bone fragment in my right ankle. It floated, completely separated from the joint.
Two thumbs up indeed.
Forget the morphine. I need a noose and a trap door.
The assistant wheeled me to another room where Kevin and I simply waited some more. Kevin explained what fusing entailed but assured me it wouldn’t be needed. He’d seen worse breaks before, resulting in full recoveries.
I was not convinced.
We sat in silence for the next thirty minutes. The pain ebbed as it pleased — sometimes mild, sometimes unbearable. The clock on the wall seemed to move in reverse. Incessant seconds slipped by, an hour at a time.
I am not ready to be ‘Cirque-umcized’ just yet — my own private joke, though I didn’t laugh!
Time invited me to reminisce and relive the steps that had brought me to this broken predicament: the childhood challenges of an alcoholic mother, and life in the British Child Care System in London. Life remained predominantly plagued by the memories of my sexually abusive, lying, and manipulative father.
Statistics had predicted that due to my childhood, I’d be dead or in jail by the age of eighteen due to gang-related violence, drugs, or suicide. I suppose that it’s the series of choices we make in life that define who we are and where we end up.
As a child, a strong sense of imagination and an intense desire to find love and acceptance provided me with tools to overcome and not play victim. I can’t deny the fact that regardless of my mother’s personal demons, she instilled some valuable lessons before she became unable to parent. Those lessons stuck.
“Never be afraid, Vital. You can and will become whatever you choose to be. Always pursue your dreams relentlessly. I believe in you. I know you will make me proud one day.”
In all honesty, I am constantly afraid of life without the safety net of love and family. But she highlighted the values of African tribesmen who experienced fear but overcame those fears. “That’s courage,” she’d say. “Be courageous, and never let your fears hold you back. Nothing other than yourself can stop you, Vital! Nothing. Just believe and work hard at your dreams. Never give up. Never give up.”
Mum always encouraged me to dream, to imagine, and to envision all the amazing things that could happen tomorrow. Those dreams got me through my childhood, my adolescence. They still get me through life today because there are always challenges to overcome. There is always room for growth and transformation. There are always lessons to learn and goals to reach. Achievement is a never-ending journey.
Sincerely,
Vital Germaine
