Managing and Understanding Your Anger

Anger is confusing! Toxic relationships breed anger, oftentimes fueled by ongoing disrespect. Should you be angered at disrespect or is your anger a negative, even toxic response?

Some “spiritual purists” will say that anger is bad, suggesting it means that you have relinquished your power to the other person who incited or evoked your anger. Or that anger is the sign of a non-enlightened person, victim to the human realm of darkness and doom because they are not enlightened.

So, now what?

Well, different theories appear from different factions of the human race, dependent on their belief systems, core values and biases, with neither being an absolute truth, because the human experience and any opinion on the vastness of existence and consciousness is speculation. “But the Bible says so.” “But scientists say it’s this.” Both have value and both are true if you believe in them. Not everybody does. So, truth is a multi-sided coin.

Nonetheless, when it comes to anger, it’s both “good” and “bad”.

Anger is good when it serves as a gauge or warning sign that your core values have been violated. Your anger is protecting you by inspiring an intense response to fight back and defend the essence of your character or protect something you love.

For those of you who pretend you are so enlightened you don’t get angry, I am calling BS. You simply get angry at different things but there is something out there that if it violated you, you would be “triggered” into anger for the sake of love or fear. Furthermore, you are a human, why not embrace this human experience designed to teach us what it means to be human, even if humanity is only a physical manifestation of spirit… with spirit potentially being immune to anger. But until, I transform back to spirit, I have no shame, guilt or regret at having human emotions… and neither should you.

Anger is bad, when you inflict pain, even revenge, on others. Even though it is a release of intense, and probably pent-up energy, if your emotions inflict unwarranted pain on others, then I view it as a negative. Your anger will have gotten the better of you. Losing control, though human is nonetheless, not recommended. Better to take a pause, a deep breathe and evaluate your options with a clear, yet angered mind, body and spirit. Anger usually impacts every aspect of our being… not just mindset.

Transmuting pain is how to truly control and leverage our anger. The hurt must be redirected into something that can harmlessly absorb our pained emotion: punching a bag, yelling into a pillow, running, dancing, art… the list is endless. In your emotional expression and purge, your are both protecting others and yourself as you heal. 

Anger left untreated or unreleased is really the culprit to a negative reaction.  

I do not promote self-love as it’s an invite to narcissim - I focus on selfcare through awareness (emotional intelligence - the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others).

Through awareness and understanding of what your human experience is putting you through, (tracking the root cause of your inner pain) is the master of managing your anger. We often don’t dig deep enough to understand ourselves and our emotions. As a result, we quickly point the finger at the immediate victim or threat who perhaps only made us aware that we are carrying deep, hidden hurt, pain and resentment. If finding the source, we can begin to control and manage how we react and respond to everything and anything that happens to us or around us. What happens next, despite your humanness, is always a choice. We are forever empowered to make that choice.

In closing, anger is your friend if, and when you choose to make it so. Lose control, and it becomes your enemy, impacting your emotional, mental, spiritual, intellectual and physical state.

How to Minimize Guilt and Shame

Guilt is a combination stemming from childhood indoctrination, when we were told what to feel, who to be and what to believe and do… and our innate moral compass. Btw, your moral compass should be unique to you, because we are individuals with different life missions etc (it gets complicated).

When we negate social programming and live authentically in alignment with our most raw and honest character, core values and moral compass, we will only feel guilt when we do things that don’t align with who we truly are. In fact, when living in total alignment, you won’t be able to do anything that violates your core values because the connection to your soul is too strong. That pure, authentic connection drives every single decision you make.

Guilt, inspires shame. We feel bad because we’ve been endlessly told to feel bad. And the opposite happens, we allow ourselves to do horrible things because we’ve been told it’s okay to do so. Without having to address any specific issues, we all know of historical atrocities that were deemed acceptable at the time.

Find your true self, remove the conscious and subconscious biases, societal programming and BE AUTHENTIC. Guilt and shame will subside… unless your a sociopath or suffer from Narcissist Personality Disorder (which both are ruthless and total discconect from your soul… your soul have in fact been “possessed”).

I am a recovering Catholic (LOL) and know guilt and shame all too well.

Oh, BTW, guilt is not synonymous with remorse or regret! Remorse is inspired by #EMPATHY. And yes, guilt can lead to remorse, but is not remorse until itself.

I am a recovering Catholic (LOL) and know guilt and shame all too well.

THOUGHTS???

Vital Germaine (The Sigma Empath)

Is Narcissism On The Rise?

We’ve all experienced that toxic boss, the controlling family member, the manipulative girlfriend / boyfriend and the lying sibling. It appears to be happening more and more, but is it?

This is a complicated question as there are so many factors and variables to consider. The two most defining dueling factors are:

1: Is it being more exposed than before, making us more aware?

2. Are there simply more narcissists being born and created than ever before?

Narcissism is definitely not a new human character trait. It dates back at least to the birth of the term inspired by Greek Mythology. A young handsome mans falls in love with his own reflection. It also includes “self love” and disdain for others.

More modern usage stems from psychiatrists Paul Näcke and Havelock Ellis, who first used the term in 1889. For them it related to a person who used their own body like that of a sexual partner: objectification perhaps, which makes perfect sense. Narcissist objectify their prey as a form of toy they own.

Sigmund Freud further developed the concept in 1914 (Essay titled, “On Narcissism: An Introduction”, suggesting every child goes through a normal and healthy narcissistic phase as a part of its development. However, it became a disorder if continued during puberty and adulthood.

In 1913, Ernest Jones said, “People with extreme narcissism have a “God complex”. 

And while on the topic of God, The Bible claims that “narcissism can be viewed as the epitome of sin”. The Book of Proverbs refers to narcissism as foolish behavior. “The fool makes his own rules, scoffs at rebuke, and disregards the harm his actions may cause.” Sounds about right!

So, it’s definitely been around for a while.

Nonetheless, modern society unto itself has become more narcissistic, fueled in big part by social media (look at ME, like ME, follow ME). It is becoming common place because everybody is becoming more narcissistic. We find them in the workplace (toxic boss or controlling colleagues), in our circle of friends, family and lovers. They destroy self-esteem and relationships.

CAVEAT: Having narcissistic traits, doesn’t necessarily make you a narcissist, in the same way that having athletic abilities doesn’t make you an athlete. The term is being thrown out there for anybody who is remotely selfish, lied (even once) and for the gain of manipulators to insult others by using that term when they don’t get their way. And btw, If you haven't and aren’t experiencing and uptick in narcissistic behavior, well, guess what that could mean? LOL

There are certain demographics who struggle and are more impacted more heavily by this uptake in narcissitic traits and tendencies, THE EMPATH! (highly empathetic and/or sensitive person, some people with ADHD, too). This modern world of ME, ME, ME is exhausting and highly challenging for these neurodivergent types.

The empath is continually fighting an energetic battle with a world filled with endless beauty, yet so much ugliness. It appears that narcissism and energy vampires are on the rise… freely and openly coming out of the woodwork like a bad trend… or are they simply being more exposed, but they were always there… simply more identifiable through out awareness? Once you see, you can’t unsee.

Either way, if you are an empath, your energy is precious and must be protected. This means having difficult and courageous conversations to establish BOUNDARIES. Take my online communication course with an entire module dedicated to “COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS”

TAke the course

SO, NOW WHAT?

In the meantime, you must recharge regularly and consistently to sustain a level of wellness. Through introspection, silence and inviting calm into your life you become stronger and more resilient, but you shouldn’t always be fighting toxicity. You should be searching for peace, which can mean distance, separation and even isolation from people with narcissistic traits.

Rest, calm, peace… safety, is an empath must. You must invest and design your wellness lifestyles… it can be so simple.

Whether you are a neurodivergent or not, invest in YOU, TOO, not just everybody else. This is not selfish, and I don’t call it self love (go back to beginning of the blog and the term “self-love”). It is about self-respect and self-care, not self love.

Have a beautiful day, week, year in both your personal and professional life.

Vital Germaine

An Insight Into EMPATHY

Experience the SPOKEN WORD version of this blog:

What do you see there… far beyond

Beyond in the distance?

I see the beautiful white of the cotton field

Vibrant and light not a worry in sight

What do you see there far beyond

Beyond the memory of today?

I see a beautiful blue sky as clear as day

Not a cloud in sight, no chance of rain,

Let’s dance, no pain.

What do you see there far beyond

Do you not see the allure of ignorance

I see green green grass and blurry trees

The sun reflects too brightly in the morning breeze

Glimmering of pure and unpicked cotton white

Indeed, unpicked cotton white … that is today.

For another, the cotton is not pure… it never was

it is made of pain

Of sullen memory and disdain

Captured in the grasp of inhumanities fame.

Live in the now for sure but why not

But do not deny yesterdays transgression we folk abhor.

The risk of forgetting and erasure is almost law

And that which has been erased could probably

Be

REPEATED. YES.

Lost in those fields are wandering souls,

Singing for salvation and soft soft sand

Under the bright blue sky from blinded eye to a cut off hand

What do you see there far beyond

I no longer see.

I now only feel.

I long for empathy.

Perhaps then I will see, what you see

I will see the beautiful white of the cotton field

Vibrant and light

With not a worry in sight.

EMPATHY is NOT about agreement or condoning behavior. It is the search of understanding to see and perceive a different perspective and acknowledging an alternate experience. Empath is about expanding your heart, which inspires the mind to see further.

Vital Germaine

Empath Dilemma

Many empaths (but not all) are people-pleasers. Not because they are weak, but because they very much dislike conflict. So to keep the peace, they stay quiet and #forgive endlessly.

HOWEVER!!!

LEARN MORE ABOUT HAVING COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS in my online course.

Avoiding and minimizing external conflict; inspires, ignites and stimulates internal conflict. This leads to a slow but steady increase in resentment and emotional exhaustion.

Time to start minimizing your internal conflicts by having those courageous conversations that establish healthy and respectful BOUNDARIES. Have empathy for you too, not just for the entire planet. You deserve it.

Vital Germaine

Empath Burnout?

If you’re an empath, there are high odds that you are, and have been what’s called, “hyper vigilant” your entire life… this means, you’ve been acutely absorbed in observing and adjusting to the external world to protect your sensitive soul, helping you minimize conflict…  and as a result minimizing the pain your sensitive accommodating soul will have experienced.

It is exhausting.

In becoming a conscious empowered empath, it’s time to become hyper vigilant to your inner world: YOUR emotions, YOUR energy, YOUR overal wellness. MIND BODY SPIRIT!!!

When you ignore one of those 3 elements, MIND BODY SPIRT, the other two suffer in some capacity. It’s time to take care of YOU without being (or feeling) selfish or indifferent to the outer world. Just be good to YOU, too.

Healing is about treating and nurturing every part of your human experience: MIND BODY SPIRIT.

YOU DESERVE TO GIFT YOUR HUMAN EXPERIENCE WITH A SENSE OF PEACE AND SAFETY.

Vital Germaine (The Sigma Empath)

Acceptance versus Submission

There is a fine, yet, major difference between acceptance and submission. They often get confused. One brings peace, and the other incites resentment if not anger.

WHAT IS SUBMISSION

Submission is a negative and highly detrimental form of acceptance. It means you have allowed something to be or happen through the lens of a victim void of power. You have given in to whatever external forces are imposed on you. Submitting means you have dishonored the essence of your identity and your core values. You have lacked courage and now inspired internal shame, guilt and regret.

Submission means reluctantly being a doormat, a push-over, and weak. You are now are unhappy with yourself, your decisions, and your own choices. You will not only feel guilt, shame and resentment, but internal anger will manifest, impacting your physical, intellectual and emotional wellbeing.

How do you know if you have submitted to circumstance? You will know because your soul will be fighting itself or complaining.

WHAT IS ACCEPTANCE

Acceptance on the other hand, is being at peace with your decision and the external forces. There will be no guilt or shame. It’s about letting go and willingly embracing the outcome void of resistance. This brings tranquility to your soul. Your nervous system will be calm. There will be guild up of cortisol in your body.

Your objective is to be, and feel empowered with your life and wellbeing. Acceptance provides this tranquil state of mind.

Through genuine and sincere acceptance, you take ownership of YOU by protecting and honoring your core values, your needs, wants and expectations. It might feel selfish at first if you are not used to honoring yourself. It is only through listening to your inner voice and acting in alignment with that voice that your wellbeing becomes a priority. In due time you will find a healthy balance between giving and caring for others and protecting you.

As you change and become empowered, you will now need to accept the loss of “friends” and even family. Perhaps even your job. Accept this as it is the beginning of a new and empowered chapter of your life.

BRING IT ALL TOGETHER

So, remember, if you are unhappy with something but allow it to happen, you are submitting. If you are at peace (and you must be honest with this feeling of being at peace), you are living in the mindset of acceptance and ultimate empowerment.

If you are not at peace with something, it means additional work needs to be done. Either you keep fighting the situation until you find a solution, or you learn to sincerely accept and embrace the situation, understanding that it is out of your control. YOU MUST BE AT PEACE to achieve acceptance.

Allowing somebody to continue to abuse or take advantage of you to maintain the peace, is not acceptance. Because the peace is not yours. It’s their piece and your torment. It means you have been bullied or manipulated into submission. Not healthy!

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine (The Sigma Empath)

Minimizing the pain of childhood trauma

Happiness is a strange and dangerous word. It is something we pursue. It can be achieved in two different ways, depending on which philosophy you subscribe to.

1. Material pleasures: friends, money, status, toys, distractions etc

2. Giving, helping, finding purpose and meaning.

Identifying which of those two platforms “fulfill” you, can minimize the internal pain you experience due to trauma, in particular childhood trauma.

Once you’ve identified your true need, now you must become patient and strategic to create that lifestyle. Being in survival mode is not infinite, but it requires great awareness, courage and resilience to overcome.

Accepting that you are, or have been in survival mode without playing victim is the beginning of the journey to empowerment. Always be honest with yourself, even if the truth is ugly and hurts. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

None of this happens overnight!!!! Among that journey, have empathy for yourself to  combat and minimize what life due not give you.

Vital Germaine, 7-time author

Sympathy? No thanks! But why?

Sympathy is like a cheep wine compared to the exquisite taste of Empathy, the champagne of emotions, the elixir of connection.

Sympathy doesn’t inspire a true sense of connection because it’s a gentle form of pity. Pity disconnects because we don’t feel WITH them. Pity is fleeting, short-lived and we move on as it it was never experienced.

When people hurt, are wounded, have been betrayed, pity is actually a very sorry, insulting and degrading thing to have and share. There are nonetheless, “unhealthy” souls who thrive on pity. But it’s not pity they want. It’s simple a strategy they learned that got them attention. That shallow, fake connection is better than nothing. When we starve, we will gladly eat anything. It is not nutritional for the soul.

We all want and crave empathy in our time of need but the odds of getting it our very slim. So…

We hide or mask our failures and tragedy on social media. Why?

Because we know we will not get any empathy. We might get a few doses of sympathy disguised as likes are broken heart emojis.

Sympathy Isn’t about getting into the trenches with somebody… It’s observing the war from the safety of a strategic tactical center in the other side of the world. Observing collateral damage doesn’t impact the senses. Worse yet your tragedy inspires pity. Pity might get you a dollar. What you really need is a warm blanket a hot meal And loving arms wrapped around your shoulder.

To be human is to feel what other humans feel. We have become non-human.

In 1980 Giacomo Rizzolatti discovered mirror neurons. It’s a part of our DNA to relate. But the world no longer related to anybody, too preoccupied with the self.

Vital Germaine,

ORIGINS of THE EMPATH

Well, there are two platforms or theories to consider as to the birth of THE EMPATH.

1. The first empath theory is that it’s a trauma response by which an abused child develops hyper vigilance.

2. The second platform or theory has a much more fascinating back story with an element of woo woo or paranormal.

Which ever theory you subscribe to is perhaps irrelevant because the outcome is the same. There are common traits that empaths possess, which I’ll share in a bit. But let’s begin at the beginning of the empath story.

The term empath was originally coined by Scottish author J.T. McIntosh's 1956. J.T McIntosh wrote a sci-fi story called THE EMPATH, in which these humans possessed the super paranormal ability to sense and feel other people… almost to the point of mind reading and therefore understanding what they might do next or what their intentions were. It was considered emotional telepathy. The plot thickens when the government uses these empaths to oppress workers and therefore society through a form of mind control.

And it’s perhaps this origin of the term that incites the dislike of empaths as these pretentious paranormal super beings.

The opposing theory to hyper-vigilance which makes logical and psychological sense, is the woo woo, paranormal ability theory.

I think the truth is combination of both, with more emphasis on nature over nurture. In other words, they are born, not made. Nurture will only dim or magnify the empath.

The empath is basically an HSP or highly sensitive person with elevated levels of empathy, also known as emotional intelligence… which is not paranormal.

Another way to break down the empath in alignment with modern standard psychological practices and beliefs is to compare it with the Myers Briggs scale of personality measurement. The Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), is a pseudoscientific, self-report questionnaire that indicates differing "psychological types", you can easily google it and take the test on line. It’s a highly recognized and much used platform for hiring etc. The empath is often-times categorized as what’s called an INFJ.

INFJ stands for:

• Introverted

• Intuitive

• Feeling

• Judging traits (oh oh, judging traits)

INFJ’s and empaths tend to approach life with deep thoughtfulness and imagination. Their inner vision, personal values, and a quiet, principled version of humanism guide them in all things.

Sounds about right to me. What are your thoughts on the origins and the meaning of THE EMPATH?

Simple Life Lessons

There are many lessons I learned during my years at Cirque du Soleil... some of them I now use to inspire as a speaker because they relate and lend to the business world. Other lessons focus on who we are as individuals, as humans. All the lessons have helped me grow as a person and I gadly share them.

One of the biggest take aways from my 5 years in the company were the lesson learned about integrity and being authentic - being true to who we are and not being afraid of our individuality or expressing it; qualities Cirque thrived on and inspired us to be, encouraged us to do, including being CHILDLIKE and in the moment.

Here is an excerpt from the sequel to FLYING WITHOUT A NET (Flying Without a Net 2.0).

CHAPTER 13 ~ The Cirque Audition… continued ~

There I stood below the trapeze; confused—a part of me fearless, the other half trembling.

The first part of the Cirque du Soleil audition had been a whirlwind of exploration, discovery, some really crazy shit, and a sturdy reminder to let go of conformity, feel and express without inhibition. Debbie Brown’s creative insanity left me none the wiser, only more curious and eager to play, be silly and have fun at the expense of the clowns, midgets and sword-swallowers I thought lived at the back in trailers.

The coach, Pierre, and his quiet assistant whose name I don’t remember, placed me into a harness. It fit snug around the waist. It squeezed my inner thighs and everything in between. They attached the belt to the bungee cords by a clip that mountain climbers use.

Pierre began my crash course like he had done to the other dancers...

...Instead of dancing up there as the other dancers had done, I played like a child on Christmas day. I made up several silly spur of the moment moves: the suspended swimming frog, followed by the flying monkey, ending with the slow motion astronaut and the seventies aerial robot. I went from zero to genuine clown in under six seconds.

 “It’s fun, non?” asked Pierre.

Debbie and Pierre congratulated me.

I had apparently captured their attention, imagination and curiosity despite having no idea what I was doing. It sometimes pays to be vulnerable and authentic and just do without a plan or a sense of direction—to be spontaneous regardless of circumstance—to reconnect with one’s forgotten inner child and just be.

"It's not always easy to be in the moment, authentic and let go of your inhibitions to be free, to be vulnerable and childlike. But when I do, good things happen!"

It’s worth taking the risk of showing the world who you really are!

Is vulnerability a strength or a weakness?

Vulnerability is an interesting word that has become “buzz”. It gets thrown around a lot in our personal lives as much as it does in the business world regarding leadership. Should there be crying in baseball? What’s the difference between being vulnerable and complaining or whining? Should we show our Achilles heel, if so, when and how much?

The definition of vulnerability according to Dictionary is, the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. This definition does suggest exposing yourself to danger… a weakness.

The heightened awareness of this word seems to coincide with a general shift in consciousness from what was a more “masculine energy” driven world (both at home and at work), with stoicism symbolizing strength, to a more “feminine energy” inspired modern world, with empathy and vulnerability demonstrating strength and courage. 

As women claim their power, are men losing theirs?

As “feminine energy” influences society more and more (which is a blog unto itself), leadership and business practices and societal behaviors are shifting dramatically. Change is inevitable! Are current trends such as #Metoo that have knocked several men off their all mighty perch (and rightly so) been fueled by the Millennials and the even more recent Gen Y and Z?

Gen Y and Z seem to be more sensitive to purpose and experience-driven living… which opens the door to sharing and collaboration. Thanks to Millennials, we have seen drastic changes in how businesses operate. Organizations have become more sensitive to the new mindset and have adapted their policies and cultures. Modern leadership is showing the value of vulnerability. However, the perception is still up for debate. Not to mention “Political Correctness” and “Participation Trophies.” This all suggests a more empathetic and considerate world… or a world turned soft and plagued with rewarded vulnerability.

WEAKNESS?

In sports, you don’t show you are tired, intimidated or uncertain, unless you’re Muhammad Ali leveraging the “rope-a-dope technique, where he appeared to metaphorically be against the ropes… weak, beaten… vulnerable. In sports you remain stoic, cool, calm and collected. Vulnerability can and will lead to defeat. Sports often acts as a good analogy and example for real life, however, in real life we are looking for connection and acceptance. In sports we are driven by victory which means somebody must lose. I don’t think “men should cry in baseball.” Save those tears for off the field and at home with those you love and trust, or for podcasts and T.V. shows where celebrities like Michael Jordan shed tears. On the playing field, definitely a weakness. In real life? It’s subjective.

What isn’t subjective is the fact that when you are whining and complaining then your vulnerability is a weakness! Know the difference.

Whining and complaining serve little purpose other than inviting pity from those you are being “vulnerable’ to. NOTE: There isn’t a defining barometer as to when we are venting and sharing vulnerability and when we are whining and bitching. You know the difference when you see it. Kind of like the difference between porn and erotic art. It’s a thin vague line that separates the two, yet they are very different.

STRENGTH?

In order for vulnerability to be empowering, you must express it with confidence and own the story. In other words, you can neither be the victim or prisoner in the story. For example: I can ask for help with passion and wisdom to position myself for growth and success because I don’t have the answer or am experiencing grief or pain (which makes me human and relatable)… this is the power of vulnerability. It says that I am not perfect and open to help or advice though I have a plan or an opinion but am smart enough to seek counsel. OR I can ask for help while whining that this shit is too hard (weakness).

In regards to leadership and business, I believe the great leaders, through emotional intelligence, know when to be vulnerable and how strong the dose should be. Those great leaders create positive ripples that impact the team, the culture and your bottom line. Leadership also applies in your personal life, btw, as you create ripple within your family, circle of friends and those you love.

I encourage vulnerability and value it as a powerful modern masculine trait… as long as you don’t whine and complain “bitches.” And oh btw, you can even cry and still be strong. That kind of shit takes courage… which is a strength.

Ultimately, vulnerability invites trust from the other person. It’s like showing up at a gunfight and dropping your weapon. You have set yourself up to potentially die… or make peace. Peace is powerful. It incites connection… and isn’t that why we are here in the first place. To learn, grow, contribute and connect?

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine

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The Empath and other Neurodivergent Social Stigmas

I consider the empath to belong within the group labelled, neurodivergent. Empaths are not neurotypical.

The general understanding of neurodivergent is predominantly associated with people who are on the autism spectrum. It also includes anybody whose brain functions differently.

This is what the Cleveland Clinic has to say about the neurodivergent.

PART 1: The term “neurodivergent” describes people whose brain differences affect how their brain works. That means they have different strengths and challenges from people whose brains don’t have those differences. The possible differences include medical disorders, learning disabilities and other conditions.

It’s a polite, politically correct term “they” give to those “they” view as mentally f%&*@d up.

PART 2: The possible strengths include better memory, being able to mentally picture three-dimensional (3D) objects easily, the ability to solve complex mathematical calculations in their head, and many more.

Society tends to only register Part 1… the disorders, challenges or “conditions”.

If we focus on Part 2, we realize that neurodivergence is a gift, a superpower that is above the norm.

Society likes to keep people in alignment with the lowest common denominator for the sake of control and/or assimilation into the set standards of an outdated education system designed to create conforming worker-bees. And btw, the Empath and HSP are forms of neurodivergence.

Let’s take Part 2 to a different level, starting with so-called ailments and disorders such as ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). Just because the average person lacks curiosity and intrigue and is almost numbed by mass hypnosis and made placid in thought, doesn’t mean that the highly curious have a disorder. Rather than medicate and numb brain, put them more challenging and creative environments, or teach them mediation. As far as I am concerned, lacking curiosity is a disorder. Ask Albert Einstein, who once said, “I have no special talents, I am only passionately curious”. Passionately curious!

Let’s take ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), in short, overly active with heightened spontaneity. Is that really a disorder, compared to being an emotionally numb drone of middle society? Encourage and inspire them to choose careers that require more energy and quick decision-making. This is a rudimentary suggestion that requires deeper thinking and exploration, but without that deeper exploration, prescriptions and shaming aren’t really solving the “problem”.

The list of diagnosed disorders as acronyms is endless. And btw, almost all of them are recent phenomenon or labels with a negative connotation. How are they treated? With pharmaceuticals that make them act like everybody else. Hmmm. How are they created? Arguably pharmaceuticals for financial gain by obligating people to be on life-time medication. Genius.

Perhaps we should embrace and elevate this exceptional people rather than condemn and banish them to an inferior status guilted into shame as if they have cerebral cooties.

So, let’s talk about the disorder of being highly sensitive (HSP). Again, this is not a disorder. It’s a gift, as superpower, as is autism and ADD etc. Think Rain Man (movie with Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise. Dustin Hoffman’s character has extraordinary mathematical abilities… “they” consider that a disorder… LMAO.

If you fall into the category of a neurodivergent, in any, and all of its numerous variations: Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder (DPDRD); Other Specified Dissociative Disorders (OSDD); Unspecified Dissociative Disorder (UDD) etc, etc… including the empath, the psychic, or Rain man/women), begin celebrating your unique gifts and end the shame. You are special. You are magical. You have a superpower. I honor you!

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine (The Sigma Empath)

Narc Abuse Recovery

Surviving a narcissist may well be one the most heroic and courageous human acts you will ever go through.

Why?

Because you are basically fighting for your soul. During that struggle you will face 3 adversaries.

1. THE NARCISSIST: they will victimize you in endless typical ways, including: gaslighting, love-bombing, triangulation, bread-crumbing, lies, manipulation, one-upping, denial, deflection, projection….

2. YOUR LOST SELF: you are no longer the same you and you won’t understand what hit you. You’ll be confused, disorientated, helpless… LOST.

3. DISBELIEF FROM SOCIETY: narc abuse is so horrific that others will find it hard to believe you (a form of subconscious collective gaslighting). Not to mention the narcissist’s “flying monkeys”. The only people who might believe you and relate, are those who have walked your path.

The result of these three adversaries can become total self-isolation as a protective mechanism. Finding your soul again after it has been chewed, sucked dry of life and then discarded like trash is one of the most painful wounds a human can experience. It is torture. Be kind to yourself during your recovery steps. SELF-EMPATHY.

Those who have not experienced it may undermine the damage it does. Good for you if you haven’t experienced narc abuse. I’m glad you have no idea what I am talking about. If you have, I feel your pain. You are not alone.

Narc abuse over long term, literally cause the brain to change. This physiological change impacts decision-making, memory, and general cognitive decline. Left unresolved, quickly morphs into chronic stress disorders.

This is only the tip of the iceberg of navigating narc abuse and/or understanding what it means to be an empath.

If you are an empath, the odds you have experienced the narc are so high. Empaths are prime bait for the narcissist, until… the empath becomes empowered. Everybody and anybody should be empowered to fight the darkness of the narcissist. They show up as toxic bosses, our sons and daughters, our parents, siblings, trusted best friends… and most impact fully as romantic partners.

The only solution is to become an empowered empath or an educated individual who is or has experienced narc abuse. It took me over 5 years to recover from one narc relationship in particular.

The first step is awareness of the narc abuse, despite their typical behaviors, with gaslighting being the most common. Gaslighting will drive you nuts making you doubt reality and your own perception of life. You’ll think YOU are the problem, denying all self-awareness that you are in fact being abused.

Once you have acknowledged the abuse, now begins the arduous life-saving journey to finding your soul again. It can take months, years, decades. Your body and nervous system have to completely reset from a constant cortisol overdose. It’s addictive.

If only I knew then what I know now!!!

If you have experienced narcissist abuse, or you are an empath, I highly recommend reading my book, PINK IS THE COLOR OF EMPATHY for insight. If you are trying to find yourself again, fowling narc abuse, or are currently struggling to escape an abuse relationship with a narc, please contact me for coaching.

Vital Germaine

Finding and Understanding Who You Really Are

Discovering the self is no easy feat. We rarely take the time to be deeply introspective to understand who we were, what we like, what we stand for, what we need, what we desire, why we make the choices we do… the list go questions is endless.

In taking the time to understand the essence of who you are (your core values), you will find many answers to why certain things in your life happened based on the choices you take. You will understand some of the choices you’ve made regarding friendships, your partner, work and career etc. Most, kind of know their core values but haven’t really dissected them, empowering you to optimize them and elevate the essence of your character and personality.

Knowing and identifying your “north star” and your sense of purpose, will provide you with so much clarity moving forward in life. This activity has helped so many of personal coaching clients, leaders/executive clients and teams). You’ll find it in my book THINK LIKE AN ARTIST.

Here is a list of the top 30 recurring core values.

1.         Efficiency

2.         Balance

3.         Fairness

4.         Creativity

5.         Hard Work

6.        Learning

7.        Competence

8.        Compassion

9.        Community

10.     Security

11.      Loyalty

12.      Status

13.      Charity

14.      Teamwork

15.      Friendship

16.      Adventure

17.       Freedom

18.      Boldness

19.      Success

20.    Authority

21.      Recognition

22.     Spirituality

23.     Humility

24.    Diversity

25.     Humor

26.    Kindness

27.     Optimism

28.    Empathy

29.    Fun

30.    Accountability

Review them and eliminate 10 of them. You should have 20 left over.

Write those 20 on a digital or hard copy note pad.

Take those 20 Core Values you selected and narrow them down to 10!

Write those 10 on a digital or hard copy note pad.

But wait, there’s more! Let’s really do down the rabbit hole.

Look carefully at your list of 10 Core Values.

Do they define you?

Do you live by them?

If so, congrats.

If not, it could mean you are not living authentically. Adjust accordingly.

Down the wormhole we go!

Take those 10 Core Values you selected and narrowthem down to only 4! Yes, only 4.

A tip to help you narrow them down to only 4. You will find that some Values overlap. For example, compassion and empathyare very similar, so one could be eliminated. Same with charity and community.Write those 4 on a digital or hard copy note pad.

Even better, frame them.

That’s the essence of who you are!

Live by these last four core values. They define your character or personal brand. They will be your compass in any decision or choices you make moving forward. Align your life with the true authentic essence of who you are, and you will find deep inner harmony.

Know thyself.  Become thyself.

Vital Germaine

Interested in personal coaching?

5 Simple and Effective Ways to Protect Your Energy

Futurist and engineer, Nikola Tesla is known for saying, If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.

Energy is constantly shared and transferred as we interact with other humans, animals and nature. If the energy exchange is healthy, it is comforting, reassuring, calming and even healing. In a utopian world we’d feel this way about every interaction. Unfortunately, there is a lot of hurt, dark, wounded energy out there. And then we have the energy vampires. It’s necessary to protect our energy to optimize our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being. Your health literally lives and dies off of energy.

If you are an empath or HSP (highly sensitive person), you will be more susceptible to external energy. Such beings need to take extra steps to stay in a state of optimum health and wealth.

Here are 5 things you can do to protect your energy and optimize your health.

1. Set an intention before going out in public. Visualize the intention. Feel the intention. Become the intention

2. Build a protective barrier or force field around you. Again visualize whatever protective barrier works for you. For me I imagine a bright light emanating from my gut, consuming my body and going out into the world with nothing able to dim or enter my protective light.

3. Be strategic in how much time you will expose yourself to external stimulation and energy. Know your healthy time limits. And whenever you feel a remote drop in energy from somebody, exit the conversation or periphery.

4. Have energy absorbers or repellents at the entrance of your home, keeping all negative vibes outside. I have crystals and a water solution with camphor at my entrances.

5. Have an activity to expel any energies you might have absorbed. That can be crystals, burning sage (be careful with this one), exercise or movement, including literally shaking off energy, taking your clothes of as you enter, taking a shower, yelling into an empty bottle… get any energy that doesn’t serve you gone.

Vital Germaine

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What exactly is an empath?

You will find different origins and interpretations of what an empath is. That depends on which labels and theories you read, follow and believe in.

Empath stems from the word empathy but has a slightly different connotation.

The first records of the word empathy come from the late 1800s from the context of psychology. The word comes from a translation of the German term Einfühlung, which literally means “a feeling in.” It ultimately derives from the Greek empátheia, meaning “affection” or “passion,” from em-, meaning “in,” and path-, the base of a verb meaning “to suffer.” – Dictionary.com

The term empath is relatively recent. Some claim its origins lie in science-fiction literature. Scottish author J.T. McIntosh's first sited the term in his 1956 story titled, “The Empath.” It’s a story about paranormally empathetic beings, called empaths. The government exploits their gifts of understanding others on a deep level. The objective is to control oppressed workers through these gifts of understanding and feeling. 

Dictionary.com describes empath as: (chiefly in science fiction) a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.

Modern discussions debunk the concept of the empath. It is not an ability for the gifted, paranormal or superhuman. They suggest it is nothing more than hyper vigilance.

The hypervigilance theory says that a child growing up in a traumatizing environment, with an abusive or narcissist parent, learns to pay attention to the subtle cues in mood and energy. Think back to Albert Mehrabian’s break down of communication percentages. Well, the hypervigilant are experts in identifying and interpreting the subtle shifts in verbal and non-verbal communication. It can sometimes be the nuance of the most minute change in the way the hairs on their dad’s forearm stand. This could suggest a shift in blood pressure or internal body temperature, which means the onset of a bad mood, followed by a temper. 

As a self-proclaimed empath, I subscribe to the theory that it is a combination of hypervigelence developed during childhood due to trauma and the need to survive and an innate gift like intuition and creativity. The levels are relative, like a spectrum. Some are more empathic than others. For example, not all people with athletic abilities are athletes. Not all athletes become pro. Not all pro athletes become the MVP. It’s relative.

TOP 10 TRAITS OF AN EMPATH

1. Extremely sensitive or acutely aware of external energy, intention and their environment.

2. We feel, sense and even absorb other people's emotions

3. Incredibly intuitive… some being psychic.

4. Most empaths are also introverted.

5. Require a lot of solitude for introspection and recharging.

6. Relationships can be overwhelming as we give and give to the point of burnout, even depression.

7. Attract energy vampires, narcissists, wounded souls and generally toxic people.

8. Have a need to connect with nature/animals where they feel safe and at peace.

9. Highly tuned senses.

10. Empaths have huge hearts but sometimes give too much.

It takes a combination of natural talent, awareness and working to develop and refined natural talent. And yes, I definitely subscribe to the element of paranonomral abilities. Hate me if you must, as one common and recurring experience of the empath is being misunderstood, feared and somewhat alienated from society.

If you relate to this blog, you are probably an empath. Welcome.

To learn more about empathy, read the 2nd edition of my book, PINK IS THE COLOR OF EMPATHY

Do we honor or challenge the status quo?

“When something really bad is going on in culture, the average guy doesn’t see it. He can’t. He’s average and is surrounded and immersed in the can’t and discourse of the status quo.”

— George Saunders

Two major forces have dominated our collective psyche. If it’s not religion determining our understanding of the universe it’s science. Both should be challenged. Challenging and questioning any form of authority doesn’t mean I know better. It means I remain open to other possibilities. It means I am curious as to the possibility that humans are in search of understanding and our understanding of the universe is constantly evolving as we discover more. To me, this constant evolution means, there is always more to explore, discover and learn. Sitting back and embracing what we know today as infinite fact, negates curiosity and exploration. It negates evolution.

Both science and religion bring great value to society in very different ways. They often time’s contradict and challenge each other.

Is science becoming the new religion, in the sense that we are supposed to believe because somebody said so??? As a creative I have trouble subscribing to any one belief as infinite fact. Evolution and innovation have only happened by challenging what we already believe.

If science were infinite fact (as many claim it is), then wouldn't ALL scientists always arrive at the same conclusion??? That's not the case, and those who back science, simply back the scientists whose theories align with their beliefs. That's it... sounds like religion... my god is better than yours/my scientists are better than yours. Furthermore, these authorities are trained and educated by the same established standards, which is limiting. Is it really the moon that effects the tides? Is it true that nothing travels faster than the speed of light? How fast does a thought or consciousness travel? Once upon a time, the atom was deemed as the smallest possible particle. We believed it because that’s what we were told. However, it wasn’t the truth. It was only truth in accordance with what we knew and believed at the time.

Science is a very logical and intelligent explanation of the universe based on what has been perceived/observed at the time the theory/thesis was created. These theories/hypotheses change with new information... so how can fact, change?

• Is/was Pluto ever a planet... oh wait... it isn't... oh, it is?

• Cholesterol is bad... no it's good... only certain types... oh wait? View hilarious video!!!!

• Cigarettes were once scientifically backed to relieve stress!

• Lobotomies were once the medical science of the day... hmmmmmm!

Science is not synomous with fact. It is only the application of current knowledge. Furthermore, science has always been funded by people with agendas who promote a specific narrative based on research and "facts"... scientists also have personal agendas (Mr. Evil).

Everything should be challenged and questioned IMO. Nothing should be blindly accepted as fact because somebody says so. This does not mean I know more or better than... I remain open to the possibility that humans haven't yet figured out how everything works. We fill in the blanks to make some sense of it all... which doesn't equate to fact.

I invite you to read my book, THINK LIKE AN ARTIST. It’s in part about looking at things differently with a mind as open as it could possible be. As a result, so much changes. It’s about being infinitely curious and open-minded.

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day.”

— Albert Einstein

My "thesis" has zero scientific merit... it is only philosophical (not theological) in nature, and therefore not fact or gospel, but simply opinion. I reserve my right/freedom to have an opinion... as should you. Now that's a fact right therrrr!

Vital Germaine

What not to do when a relationship ends

Relationships are complicated and complex, whether intimate, or professional. There are endless moving parts that determine the quality, success, or failure of said relationship. Inevitably, the endings are always connected to the quality of communication.

Either the wrong thing was said at the wrong time in the wrong way, Either the right thing was said at the wrong time in the wrong way (and variations there of). Sometimes it’s not necessarily what was said, but rather a question of how it was interpreted. The final and often overlooked element of communication is the something that wasn’t said. It may have been intentionally left out. It may have been accidentally omitted as it appeared to be irrelevant or because it may have cause friction. Ironically, not saying it will inevitable end up causing friction. Better to say. Just figure out the right time and the right way.

Most relationships will face conflict and end as a result of values being violated, stubbornness, avoidance of accountability or willingness to change behavior, or simple yet meaningful disagreement on perception and responsibility that becomes a deal breaker. Sometimes nobody is wrong. It’s just time to part ways.

When relationships do end, here's what I've learned about what shouldn’t be done (includes my past indiscretions).

1. Good people say bad things (yep, I've said some mean #$%&). It doesn't make them bad people. Vice versa, bad people do good stuff... they are still bad people.

2. Whatever secrets they entrusted with you... honor that trust despite the relationship ending.

3. What ever gifts you gave them, don't take them back (oops! - i've learned).

4. Celebrate the beauty of the relationship despite the current disappointments/deceit etc. It will hurt at first and seem impossible to celebrate an end. In due time, I hope you will reflect and see some value in that relationship.

5. Whatever went wrong, you played a part in it, making you accountable too. (ouch!!!)

6. "Sometimes you win. Sometimes you learn." - John Maxwell

7. Add your own advice here

Take my REACHING HIGHER THROUGH COMMUNICATION online course and help improve your relationships. Click button below to register.

How can we know the "truth"

We might never know which is right or wrong; we might never know “the truth.”

It’s what the Buddhists call a “Mu” situation, in which some questions and mysteries are both yes and no. The “Mu” concept is an important component of creativity. It’s about having the open-mindedness to embrace the different or welcome differences while continuing to move forward or innovate. Narrow-mindedness is the downfall and death of innovation. Innovation unto itself is a one-directional forward motion, continually in search of growth, progress, evolution... which means, we discover new and different truths with new and different information and insight. Truth is forever in flux, with infinite variables and persepctives.

The “Mu” concept is based on a question asked by a student to his master while sitting in a temple. The student asks the master to explain what Buddha nature is.

“Buddha nature is all things,” the master replies.

The student sees a dog wandering in the garden and asks if the dog also has Buddha nature.

“Mu,” responds the master. Buddha nature can’t be categorized, according to its principles. The master is, therefore, unable to deny or confirm the answer. If the master answers “no,” then he is wrong. If he responds with “yes,” then he is also wrong. “Mu” becomes the only acceptable answer. Buddha nature is everything even when it isn’t.

Truth has multiple sides, versions and realities. In understanding this possibility that there is never a finite truth, we remain open, minimizing judgment and condemnation. This is the ultimate attitude of open-mindedness that allows for the deepest form of understanding, collaboration, and harmony. The result is innovation ... a new world, a better leader, a stronger team, an improved product.

This is an excerpt from my book, INNOVATION MINDSET