Managing and Understanding Your Anger

Anger is confusing! Toxic relationships breed anger, oftentimes fueled by ongoing disrespect. Should you be angered at disrespect or is your anger a negative, even toxic response?

Some “spiritual purists” will say that anger is bad, suggesting it means that you have relinquished your power to the other person who incited or evoked your anger. Or that anger is the sign of a non-enlightened person, victim to the human realm of darkness and doom because they are not enlightened.

So, now what?

Well, different theories appear from different factions of the human race, dependent on their belief systems, core values and biases, with neither being an absolute truth, because the human experience and any opinion on the vastness of existence and consciousness is speculation. “But the Bible says so.” “But scientists say it’s this.” Both have value and both are true if you believe in them. Not everybody does. So, truth is a multi-sided coin.

Nonetheless, when it comes to anger, it’s both “good” and “bad”.

Anger is good when it serves as a gauge or warning sign that your core values have been violated. Your anger is protecting you by inspiring an intense response to fight back and defend the essence of your character or protect something you love.

For those of you who pretend you are so enlightened you don’t get angry, I am calling BS. You simply get angry at different things but there is something out there that if it violated you, you would be “triggered” into anger for the sake of love or fear. Furthermore, you are a human, why not embrace this human experience designed to teach us what it means to be human, even if humanity is only a physical manifestation of spirit… with spirit potentially being immune to anger. But until, I transform back to spirit, I have no shame, guilt or regret at having human emotions… and neither should you.

Anger is bad, when you inflict pain, even revenge, on others. Even though it is a release of intense, and probably pent-up energy, if your emotions inflict unwarranted pain on others, then I view it as a negative. Your anger will have gotten the better of you. Losing control, though human is nonetheless, not recommended. Better to take a pause, a deep breathe and evaluate your options with a clear, yet angered mind, body and spirit. Anger usually impacts every aspect of our being… not just mindset.

Transmuting pain is how to truly control and leverage our anger. The hurt must be redirected into something that can harmlessly absorb our pained emotion: punching a bag, yelling into a pillow, running, dancing, art… the list is endless. In your emotional expression and purge, your are both protecting others and yourself as you heal. 

Anger left untreated or unreleased is really the culprit to a negative reaction.  

I do not promote self-love as it’s an invite to narcissim - I focus on selfcare through awareness (emotional intelligence - the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others).

Through awareness and understanding of what your human experience is putting you through, (tracking the root cause of your inner pain) is the master of managing your anger. We often don’t dig deep enough to understand ourselves and our emotions. As a result, we quickly point the finger at the immediate victim or threat who perhaps only made us aware that we are carrying deep, hidden hurt, pain and resentment. If finding the source, we can begin to control and manage how we react and respond to everything and anything that happens to us or around us. What happens next, despite your humanness, is always a choice. We are forever empowered to make that choice.

In closing, anger is your friend if, and when you choose to make it so. Lose control, and it becomes your enemy, impacting your emotional, mental, spiritual, intellectual and physical state.

Is Narcissism On The Rise?

We’ve all experienced that toxic boss, the controlling family member, the manipulative girlfriend / boyfriend and the lying sibling. It appears to be happening more and more, but is it?

This is a complicated question as there are so many factors and variables to consider. The two most defining dueling factors are:

1: Is it being more exposed than before, making us more aware?

2. Are there simply more narcissists being born and created than ever before?

Narcissism is definitely not a new human character trait. It dates back at least to the birth of the term inspired by Greek Mythology. A young handsome mans falls in love with his own reflection. It also includes “self love” and disdain for others.

More modern usage stems from psychiatrists Paul Näcke and Havelock Ellis, who first used the term in 1889. For them it related to a person who used their own body like that of a sexual partner: objectification perhaps, which makes perfect sense. Narcissist objectify their prey as a form of toy they own.

Sigmund Freud further developed the concept in 1914 (Essay titled, “On Narcissism: An Introduction”, suggesting every child goes through a normal and healthy narcissistic phase as a part of its development. However, it became a disorder if continued during puberty and adulthood.

In 1913, Ernest Jones said, “People with extreme narcissism have a “God complex”. 

And while on the topic of God, The Bible claims that “narcissism can be viewed as the epitome of sin”. The Book of Proverbs refers to narcissism as foolish behavior. “The fool makes his own rules, scoffs at rebuke, and disregards the harm his actions may cause.” Sounds about right!

So, it’s definitely been around for a while.

Nonetheless, modern society unto itself has become more narcissistic, fueled in big part by social media (look at ME, like ME, follow ME). It is becoming common place because everybody is becoming more narcissistic. We find them in the workplace (toxic boss or controlling colleagues), in our circle of friends, family and lovers. They destroy self-esteem and relationships.

CAVEAT: Having narcissistic traits, doesn’t necessarily make you a narcissist, in the same way that having athletic abilities doesn’t make you an athlete. The term is being thrown out there for anybody who is remotely selfish, lied (even once) and for the gain of manipulators to insult others by using that term when they don’t get their way. And btw, If you haven't and aren’t experiencing and uptick in narcissistic behavior, well, guess what that could mean? LOL

There are certain demographics who struggle and are more impacted more heavily by this uptake in narcissitic traits and tendencies, THE EMPATH! (highly empathetic and/or sensitive person, some people with ADHD, too). This modern world of ME, ME, ME is exhausting and highly challenging for these neurodivergent types.

The empath is continually fighting an energetic battle with a world filled with endless beauty, yet so much ugliness. It appears that narcissism and energy vampires are on the rise… freely and openly coming out of the woodwork like a bad trend… or are they simply being more exposed, but they were always there… simply more identifiable through out awareness? Once you see, you can’t unsee.

Either way, if you are an empath, your energy is precious and must be protected. This means having difficult and courageous conversations to establish BOUNDARIES. Take my online communication course with an entire module dedicated to “COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS”

TAke the course

SO, NOW WHAT?

In the meantime, you must recharge regularly and consistently to sustain a level of wellness. Through introspection, silence and inviting calm into your life you become stronger and more resilient, but you shouldn’t always be fighting toxicity. You should be searching for peace, which can mean distance, separation and even isolation from people with narcissistic traits.

Rest, calm, peace… safety, is an empath must. You must invest and design your wellness lifestyles… it can be so simple.

Whether you are a neurodivergent or not, invest in YOU, TOO, not just everybody else. This is not selfish, and I don’t call it self love (go back to beginning of the blog and the term “self-love”). It is about self-respect and self-care, not self love.

Have a beautiful day, week, year in both your personal and professional life.

Vital Germaine

Acceptance versus Submission

There is a fine, yet, major difference between acceptance and submission. They often get confused. One brings peace, and the other incites resentment if not anger.

WHAT IS SUBMISSION

Submission is a negative and highly detrimental form of acceptance. It means you have allowed something to be or happen through the lens of a victim void of power. You have given in to whatever external forces are imposed on you. Submitting means you have dishonored the essence of your identity and your core values. You have lacked courage and now inspired internal shame, guilt and regret.

Submission means reluctantly being a doormat, a push-over, and weak. You are now are unhappy with yourself, your decisions, and your own choices. You will not only feel guilt, shame and resentment, but internal anger will manifest, impacting your physical, intellectual and emotional wellbeing.

How do you know if you have submitted to circumstance? You will know because your soul will be fighting itself or complaining.

WHAT IS ACCEPTANCE

Acceptance on the other hand, is being at peace with your decision and the external forces. There will be no guilt or shame. It’s about letting go and willingly embracing the outcome void of resistance. This brings tranquility to your soul. Your nervous system will be calm. There will be guild up of cortisol in your body.

Your objective is to be, and feel empowered with your life and wellbeing. Acceptance provides this tranquil state of mind.

Through genuine and sincere acceptance, you take ownership of YOU by protecting and honoring your core values, your needs, wants and expectations. It might feel selfish at first if you are not used to honoring yourself. It is only through listening to your inner voice and acting in alignment with that voice that your wellbeing becomes a priority. In due time you will find a healthy balance between giving and caring for others and protecting you.

As you change and become empowered, you will now need to accept the loss of “friends” and even family. Perhaps even your job. Accept this as it is the beginning of a new and empowered chapter of your life.

BRING IT ALL TOGETHER

So, remember, if you are unhappy with something but allow it to happen, you are submitting. If you are at peace (and you must be honest with this feeling of being at peace), you are living in the mindset of acceptance and ultimate empowerment.

If you are not at peace with something, it means additional work needs to be done. Either you keep fighting the situation until you find a solution, or you learn to sincerely accept and embrace the situation, understanding that it is out of your control. YOU MUST BE AT PEACE to achieve acceptance.

Allowing somebody to continue to abuse or take advantage of you to maintain the peace, is not acceptance. Because the peace is not yours. It’s their piece and your torment. It means you have been bullied or manipulated into submission. Not healthy!

Sincerely,

Vital Germaine (The Sigma Empath)

Sympathy? No thanks! But why?

Sympathy is like a cheep wine compared to the exquisite taste of Empathy, the champagne of emotions, the elixir of connection.

Sympathy doesn’t inspire a true sense of connection because it’s a gentle form of pity. Pity disconnects because we don’t feel WITH them. Pity is fleeting, short-lived and we move on as it it was never experienced.

When people hurt, are wounded, have been betrayed, pity is actually a very sorry, insulting and degrading thing to have and share. There are nonetheless, “unhealthy” souls who thrive on pity. But it’s not pity they want. It’s simple a strategy they learned that got them attention. That shallow, fake connection is better than nothing. When we starve, we will gladly eat anything. It is not nutritional for the soul.

We all want and crave empathy in our time of need but the odds of getting it our very slim. So…

We hide or mask our failures and tragedy on social media. Why?

Because we know we will not get any empathy. We might get a few doses of sympathy disguised as likes are broken heart emojis.

Sympathy Isn’t about getting into the trenches with somebody… It’s observing the war from the safety of a strategic tactical center in the other side of the world. Observing collateral damage doesn’t impact the senses. Worse yet your tragedy inspires pity. Pity might get you a dollar. What you really need is a warm blanket a hot meal And loving arms wrapped around your shoulder.

To be human is to feel what other humans feel. We have become non-human.

In 1980 Giacomo Rizzolatti discovered mirror neurons. It’s a part of our DNA to relate. But the world no longer related to anybody, too preoccupied with the self.

Vital Germaine,

Simple Life Lessons

There are many lessons I learned during my years at Cirque du Soleil... some of them I now use to inspire as a speaker because they relate and lend to the business world. Other lessons focus on who we are as individuals, as humans. All the lessons have helped me grow as a person and I gadly share them.

One of the biggest take aways from my 5 years in the company were the lesson learned about integrity and being authentic - being true to who we are and not being afraid of our individuality or expressing it; qualities Cirque thrived on and inspired us to be, encouraged us to do, including being CHILDLIKE and in the moment.

Here is an excerpt from the sequel to FLYING WITHOUT A NET (Flying Without a Net 2.0).

CHAPTER 13 ~ The Cirque Audition… continued ~

There I stood below the trapeze; confused—a part of me fearless, the other half trembling.

The first part of the Cirque du Soleil audition had been a whirlwind of exploration, discovery, some really crazy shit, and a sturdy reminder to let go of conformity, feel and express without inhibition. Debbie Brown’s creative insanity left me none the wiser, only more curious and eager to play, be silly and have fun at the expense of the clowns, midgets and sword-swallowers I thought lived at the back in trailers.

The coach, Pierre, and his quiet assistant whose name I don’t remember, placed me into a harness. It fit snug around the waist. It squeezed my inner thighs and everything in between. They attached the belt to the bungee cords by a clip that mountain climbers use.

Pierre began my crash course like he had done to the other dancers...

...Instead of dancing up there as the other dancers had done, I played like a child on Christmas day. I made up several silly spur of the moment moves: the suspended swimming frog, followed by the flying monkey, ending with the slow motion astronaut and the seventies aerial robot. I went from zero to genuine clown in under six seconds.

 “It’s fun, non?” asked Pierre.

Debbie and Pierre congratulated me.

I had apparently captured their attention, imagination and curiosity despite having no idea what I was doing. It sometimes pays to be vulnerable and authentic and just do without a plan or a sense of direction—to be spontaneous regardless of circumstance—to reconnect with one’s forgotten inner child and just be.

"It's not always easy to be in the moment, authentic and let go of your inhibitions to be free, to be vulnerable and childlike. But when I do, good things happen!"

It’s worth taking the risk of showing the world who you really are!

5 Simple and Effective Ways to Protect Your Energy

Futurist and engineer, Nikola Tesla is known for saying, If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.

Energy is constantly shared and transferred as we interact with other humans, animals and nature. If the energy exchange is healthy, it is comforting, reassuring, calming and even healing. In a utopian world we’d feel this way about every interaction. Unfortunately, there is a lot of hurt, dark, wounded energy out there. And then we have the energy vampires. It’s necessary to protect our energy to optimize our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being. Your health literally lives and dies off of energy.

If you are an empath or HSP (highly sensitive person), you will be more susceptible to external energy. Such beings need to take extra steps to stay in a state of optimum health and wealth.

Here are 5 things you can do to protect your energy and optimize your health.

1. Set an intention before going out in public. Visualize the intention. Feel the intention. Become the intention

2. Build a protective barrier or force field around you. Again visualize whatever protective barrier works for you. For me I imagine a bright light emanating from my gut, consuming my body and going out into the world with nothing able to dim or enter my protective light.

3. Be strategic in how much time you will expose yourself to external stimulation and energy. Know your healthy time limits. And whenever you feel a remote drop in energy from somebody, exit the conversation or periphery.

4. Have energy absorbers or repellents at the entrance of your home, keeping all negative vibes outside. I have crystals and a water solution with camphor at my entrances.

5. Have an activity to expel any energies you might have absorbed. That can be crystals, burning sage (be careful with this one), exercise or movement, including literally shaking off energy, taking your clothes of as you enter, taking a shower, yelling into an empty bottle… get any energy that doesn’t serve you gone.

Vital Germaine

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