Have You Ever Felt Judged?
/There are 2 types of judgment:
The first is in the form of a simple evaluation. This focuses on knowledge to make an informed decision, void of harm or detriment.
The second is about condemning somebody for their choices, tastes, beliefs, actions and core values. This type of judgment inspires a yukky feeling. This is what we’ll focus on in this blog. Because we’ve all been there.
Unless you are a seasoned stoic or incredibly spiritual to the point you have become totally immune from such things as attachment or desire, you will feel the sting of judgement. We instinctually know when we are being judged. And, yes, it’s hard to prove that somebody is judging you. But we know when we are.
The impact of somebody’s judgment will depend on 3 things:
How aware are you to those judgmental external factors? Because they say that ignorance is bliss. When you know, it’s hard to ignore.
How sensitive are you or empathetic to the emotions, intentions, words and actions of others?
How much do you value the opinion of the person that is judging you? If you don’t value them, you’ll stay calm and carry on. If not… fill in you personal response or reaction.
Judgment sounds like:
Judgement is rarely to your face. It usually comes in the form of gossip. I lived in small coastal town in Belgium with only 15,000 inhabitants. There was a lot of gossip. I t thought gossip was unique to small towns, even though I had lived in London till I was sixteen. Moving to New York and then Las Vegas, I quickly learned gossip happens everywhere.
“What’s with those baggie pants, he wears?"
“Don’t trust a man with a beard. He’s hiding something.” Oh wait, you don’t condemn that anymore because it’s become trendy and acceptable.
“Being gay is a choice, you faggot.” (e.g Ricky Martin/George Michael and the endless gay celebrities who initially hid their sexual orientation due to societal astigmatism).
“I don’t get why people can’t be bothered to dress up when getting on a plane.”
“Back in the day we would have never done that.”… but we are all doing all this other stuff that tomorrow’s generation will condemn… like abusing nature, the planet and each other..
“I can’t believe that black bitch wouldn’t sit at the back of the bus like she’s supposed to. Just do as you’re told, already.” (Gossip about Rosa Parks)
“If he simply complied he wouldn’t have been choked to death by that cop(George Floyd/Breonna Taylor/Ahmaud Arbery/Elijah Maclean/Daunte Wright)
This kneeling during the National Anthem is bullshit.”
“She’s showing way to much skin for her age. I mean, really.”
“Money is the root of all evil.”
Some of the above examples are driven by hate. I judge people who are driven and inspired by hate heavily. I may even be inclined to gossip about them.
The only time it may be valid to judge and condemn anybody is if a person’s character is inspired or driven by hate, oppression (racial, social, religious, sexual orientation, political persuasion ) or any form of abusive intention.
IF somebody is condemning, undermining or belittling you because they don’t like, or understand who you are, then shame on them. They deserved judgment for having an obtuse mindset void of emotional intelligence and common human decency. I’ve travelled the world and noticed one thing in all cultures… the majority of people undermine, criticize, belittle others because they don’t like the other person’s sense of taste, style or life-style. The only value this brings is to the self, as a strategy to elevate themselves… probably because they don’t like themselves or because they arrogantly think they are better. We hate it happening to us, yet we do it to others. So, please…
Don’t judge me for:
Being different than you and most others.
Wearing a kilt.
Being an activist, yet patriotic in the true sense of holding my country accountable for its evils, and raising awareness / inconvenient truths. I am not being divisive. It is through awareness that we can make better choices.
Wearing nail polish when I am a hetro dude.
Being agnositc. I know, I am going to hell. Nonetheless, can I get an amen? LOL
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”
Hypocrisy
I am fully aware that I suffer from judging others, too. I am working on doing it less. Here’s what I’ve been doing and invite you to do the same. Next time you find yourself being judgmental of somebody for “trivial” reasons, ask yourself is it really necessary and does it bring any value to the greater good? Judging divides us. We can live harmoniously with our differences.
What are some behaviors you are being judged on? Leave a comment below. Thanks.
Vital Germaine
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